Drama Queen

Dreamers vs. Realists

2011-11-25T23:41:00.002+05:30

‎'There are dreamers & there are realists in the world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists but more often than not the opposite is true. You see the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun and the realists...well, without the dreamers they might not ever get off the ground.'

Courtesy Modern Family's Thanksgiving episode.

To Be Raised a Girl

2011-07-28T02:29:00.000+05:30

I remember a friend – a girl friend - once telling me, “You know my parents have raised me like a boy.” The meaning of this statement was that she was raised to be an independent, self-contained and confident individual. This was about 10 years ago.

I questioned her statement then and I question her statement now. Yes, being a ‘boy’ is usually synonymous with the adjectives above…but I feel that the times have changed. Not today; but a long time back.

I come from a home of two daughters. The absence of a male sibling meant that I never had to compete with a brother for freedom. Yes, our home had rules more stringent than at a boy’s home. Our family knew where we were and what time we would be back. But we were brought up in a way where we informed rather than where we were ordered. Do you get the difference?

In the initial years of our adolescence it was all about seeking permission. That lasted till I was about 16 years old. This process slowly then graduated to me informing about my ‘plans for the evening’.

I spent 21 years of my life with family…which is way more than most people do today. I was definitely a part of a secure and safe life. Things were always taken care of. But the first time I left home, moved to a bigger city, started work…I was in charge of my life - from paying the bills to what time I want to get home to getting a maid and ensuring I got a decent meal (which was usually at a cousin’s place). I loved the experience and I am glad to say I didn’t make too many mistakes.

I was raised to be an individual with opinions which I voiced, control over situations so that I never had to call a ‘guy’ for help and a sense of pride of being an independent woman.

Life did throw its share of obstacles where I was considered a PYT. I was not taken seriously; because if you know how to coordinate your clothes you must be dumb! Or if you spoke good English you really had no ‘stuff’. And the worst one; ‘you are rich’ so nothing really matters.

These were unpleasant situations that got my ‘feminist blood’ boiling. I would rant about how the world was so unfair and chauvinistic. But I think with age and maturity you learn to handle these hindrances and I did too with a little wit and lot of action.

I still experience the man and woman divide. Sometimes at work and sometimes at home. But raised as a girl, along with being independent, self-contained and confident, I am aware when the man needs to take the steering wheel and when the man needs to be in control of things and a master of his destiny. It all comes down to me being a juggler (shuttling between independence and damsel in distress) and an illusionist (letting the person see what he wants to)!

With age-old beliefs of the man and woman divide the hurdles are galore. But at the end of it all, I am glad to be raised a girl.

The Big Vacation 2010

2011-05-10T11:36:00.002+05:30

The Big Vacation 2010 Slideshow: Vibha’s trip from Bangalore, Karnataka, India to 4 cities Sydney, Gold Coast, Kuala Lumpur and Cairns was created by TripAdvisor. See another Australia slideshow. Create your own stunning slideshow with our free photo slideshow maker.

Small Things Make a Big Difference

2010-12-03T19:48:00.009+05:30

My first trip to Hong Kong was in 1990 when I was 8 years old. Some memories from my visit then are of the Cathay Pacific goody bag my sister and I forgot in our cab, the trip to the Ocean Park, watching lots of Chinese cartoon (as we were young my parents left us in the room with colouring books and T.V. when they went out shopping) and yes the landing strip in the airport right next to the sea.

A little more than 20 years later, I was planning my 2^nd trip to Hong Kong. This time I was going alone…for work…very different from my last trip. I knew about this trip about 3 months back and I initially was super excited about travelling for work outside

India

. However as the week of my travel came closer, I was more anxious about my meetings and was a little low coz I was going to be on my own for 4 days. And despite my many travels that was the first for me. Something I can check-off my ‘Before I turn 30’ list!

When I got on to the cab to the Bengaluru airport I had the weirdest combination of feelings – anticipation and edginess and somewhere a little nostalgia and fatigue (yes, I was already tired coz thanks to the week in Hong Kong my previous week at work had been quite a lot to juggle). All through my drive to the airport I kept telling myself to catch up sleep and then I’d think of something from my work to my presentation to if I had packed the all the right shoes to start worrying about.

Anyways skipping past all the mundane check-in, security and boarding trivia I’ll get straight to landing in Hong Kong. The landing strip was vaguely familiar, but the airport definitely was not. Neither was the journey in the MTR from the airport to Hong Kong Central. As looked outside the window, the city still looked familiar with the tall buildings and the traffic and the red cabs.

After checking into my room I decided to get some sleep. Honestly I was so drowsy that I just wanted to lay in bed…but I had promised myself that I was going to push myself out of my room every chance I got to get out and explore the city on my own…a first of sorts! And I am proud to say I did just that.

My days were packed with meetings and my team also took me to some really nice restaurants. I went to a Japanese restaurant, a Steak House (where I had the Tomato Mozzarella salad and Alfredo pasta), an Italian restaurant and finally a Chinese restaurant. Being a vegetarian I am sure I didn’t do full justice to the variety of cuisine, but I did enjoy every meal with the limited choice I was offered.

In the evening I went around Hong Kong on my own using the MTR. It was just so easy and simple. I loved the time I spent on my own my first evening in Hong Kong walking all around Causeway Bay exploring Times Square with the really unaffordable brands and I walked around aimlessly I stumbled upon Jardine’s Crescent where I picked up bags. Walking around on my own was fine, but I could not get myself to have a meal on my own. So I made my way back to the hotel after 9.

In all my excitement of going around alone I had not paid attention to the station I needed to get off at and so my first evening I was lost and had to figure my way back to the hotel. I remember asking this guy on the street for directions. He tried explaining to me how far I was from the hotel…but well I really didn’t understand. And just like that he took out an iPad…got on to Google Maps and told me how to get back. By the way that guy was selling Casio watches on the street…I am still wondering how he had that iPad…mmmmm…

26^th November 2010 is the first time I had a meal and a drink on my own at a Hotel Bar. It wasn’t as odd as I had imagined it to be…but yeah I did get a few stares from a bunch of Indian men at another table…and to be honest I put on my cold look and kinda enjoyed their astonishment J

By the last evening the chill in Hong Kong had really got to me. I was all sniffles. But I realised that I had not picked up anything for Tarun yet. Well, the thing is most trips Tarun made he always got me something and all my trips I never picked anything up for him. So I knew that from Hong Kong I just had to get something for him.

I actually left the room around 9 in the night, took the MTR and went to City Plaza in Taikoo…walked a around few shops…picked up something from Bossini and H&M. It was past 10 and I wanted to go to the night market at Temple Street…but that was a few stops away. I still remember walking up and down the Plaza trying to make up my mind.

And then I decided to go. I had to keep the promise I made to me about pushing myself to explore. So I took the long ride all the way to Admiralty. Switched from the blue train to the red and headed up north to

Jordan

. The thought of being out so late in a new city on my own was really exciting. The choice to be able to have a life after 10 and actually shop and eat out was even more exciting.

So when I got to Temple Street, I walked all the way till the end. Spent time at the shops. Looked at the cheesy souvenirs and had a good laugh. In fact even picked up a magnet for Tarun which has ‘I Love You’ in Chinese on it. As I walked into my room and saw it was past 12 there was a sense of thrill I felt. Yeah I had not had a crazy night, nothing remotely narrate-able happened. Yet, I was so happy at having experienced travel alone.

As I packed my bags to leave Hong Kong, I was less anxious and more joyous. My meetings had gone off well. I had actually spent over 12 hours on my first day without talking to a person (that is the longest Vipasana you can get out of me). I had gotten lost in the city my first night. I had had my first solo dinner and drink. I had worn heels and jacket and walked to work with lots of other work people (this was just super-exciting!!). The trip was filled with small things…maybe some would think they are unimportant…but in every small thing I saw some sense of achievement.

So why are there no pictures you ask? Well, that is the downside of the trip. I lost my camera and I have no memory where I left it. When I realised I had lost it (which was a day after I was in Bengaluru) and was sad that I lost all the snaps from the trip. I was sad that I had nothing to upload on Facebook.

And then I was really really sad…coz that Kodak camera was the first ‘expensive’ thing Tarun and I had purchased. I still remember me asking the salesman at the camera counter in Central (Bund Garden, Pune) a million questions. I had to be sure this camera was good. After all Tarun was paying ten grand for it. That day that time that was BIG amount…

I miss my Kodak camera and I miss the pretty black and pink camera pouch Tarun had picked up for me. Like I said…some small things may seem unimportant…but in every small thing there is a story and there is a memory…and that is what makes all the difference.

The Friends' Circle

2010-10-01T14:29:00.000+05:30

I always boasted of a large friends' circle. I was never the kind to have like just two very close friends...you know. I always spoke in double digit numbers when it came to friends. I like knowing a lot of people. And yes I understand the difference between knowing people and actually being friends...

But you know what? Say ten years ago, I knew a lot a people and I had a lot of friends. We all stayed in the same city. Studied pretty much the same course. Had the same extended friends' circle to talk about. It was fun...I look back at that time and my heart goes all aaaawwwww.

I miss that time...coz today my social life is so contrasting to the one I had then.

Today there are demarcations. I have friends, close friends, old friends, work friends and the other people I know...

The other people I know is waaaay larger than what I had ten years back. I guess that's just with the accumulation of time...in a way tells you how old you are!

But the friends and the close friends...is a smaaall number compared to this large universe of people I know today. Very different from how it was ten years ago. And most of these friends and close friends who I carefully collected and treasured over the years, don't live in the same city as me...most of them not even the same country.

Honestly, the distance doesn't hamper our friendship. A huge round of applause for the internet for that...communication is so easy today. So yeah, we are all in touch. But that still doesn't change the fact that today in the city I stay I may have a grand total of three or four close friends...one actually being my sister.

My social life you ask?? Well, pretty non-existent actually. And from what I hear it is the same story with most people today. We are so busy with our jobs, and our chores, and our families...that I think we've forgotten to have a social life. I mean, I sometimes put 'Have a Social Life' on the check-list coz I may forget!

The internet steps in again...this time to help me stay in touch with people I know in the same city...yeah...the same city. I chat with them and I comment on their pictures and their updates. So yeah we are in touch...or rather we are 'connected' and I guess today that counts for being in touch.

Ha! We actually get away easy...don't have to write those letters and buy those stamps and find those post boxes (actually that reminds me I have not seen a post-box in ages!!). Isn't that great??

Hmmm...not really. Coz I am an internet addict. Yes, I accept that!

But you know yesterday, as another friend left Bengaluru...I was sad. Sad that from having friends like a street away from where I lived...today most of my close friends reside in the state of California. Nope they do not have any particular fascination for the state...just that they are all engineers :-)

Anyways getting back to the point...when I sat down and thought about it...I wished I didn't have to check up on my friends on Facebook...or think if it was the right time to call them coz they are half a day behind us...or have to use emoticons to laugh at their jokes or send them hugs when they are low...

Today...just one of those days...I miss my friends...

Being a Guest Blogger

2010-07-28T12:13:00.017+05:30

I must really thank Sabera who introduced me to this concept. Sometime back I wrote for Sabera's 'One Life to Eat' about Kannadiga weddings and the food. It was a really nice experience to work with someone on my blog. Sabera brought so much more to the blog...made it more US friendly :-)

Then Kiki my little sis' friend asked me to write something for her blog's Quaterversary. The topic was Bollywood...something I am quite crazy about. 'Bollywood Dreams' is something I personally believe in...maybe because I did spend a lot of my time dreaming.

Please do visit these links and post your comments. Would love to hear what you'd have to say.

The Corporate World is a Pain in the Heel!

2010-07-26T10:56:00.003+05:30

'What do you want to be when you grow up?' was a very common choice for paragraph writing way back in primary school. My answer was always - a teacher. I mean, it was but obvious because that was the only profession I was exposed to as a kid. I had a huge blackboard in my room and during my play time I taught my imaginary class all my lessons. In fact soon this became a way of learning for me!

As I grew a little older I thought I should become an air hostess. Trust me back then I didn't once think about all the travel they got to do as the benefit. The uniforms were nice and they always looked pretty...so I wanted to be an air hostess. I loved the Gulf Air uniform. In fact my little sis and I used amma's thrown away dupattas and our hats to imitate their uniform.

By the time I was in high school, I decided that like appa I too would be a chartered accountant. My dream then changed to completing my CA and joining appa's office. I never really knew what appa did...but well he was doing well...and I guess that is all I saw.

The reality is, I didn't become any of these...not even close. I joined an engineering course and specialized in Electronics and Communications. There were a whole lot of silly reasons upon which this decision was based...but let me not digress.

Just one year into this routine and I knew it was wrong for me. Quitting the course was not something I saw as an option. So I stuck on and completed my studies in E&C engineering, while all through I dreamed of being an actress in Bollywood working with the Khans, the Roshans, the Chopras and the Johars.

It was glitzy dream life that I led back then. I'd spend hours in front of the mirror mono-acting this second life of mine. Initially I thought I was a little nuts, so I kept to myself...but then I found some girls who did the same. Just that in front of the mirror some were actors, some were models...the stories were slightly different but the dreams were all glamorous.

By the end of my graduation, I was 21...and my dreams were more real. So acting in Bollywood went out of the window and I started toying with the idea of branding, marketing and maybe even celebrity management. I still remember the first time I spoke to appa amma about not wanting to be an engineer...I think somewhere appa thought it was all talk and he didn't pay too much attention.

But I think after choosing the wrong field to study for 4 years I wanted to be extra careful with what I chose for my post graduation. So I worked for a while in an internal communications team, with an NGO and also with kids. And at the end of it I knew I loved teaching...my first dream profession...but I had also discovered a love for marketing communications.

Once I had that figured out, I specialized in Marcomm and joined a media agency. Working in an agency was something I always wanted to do. It is a chaotic environment and each client is a specimen...but it was a fun place to be. I worked with a fantastic team. We walked into office most times in tattered chappals and ill-fitting clothes...there were not too many rules...but we still managed to break the few that were there.

My life in the agency was fun...but somewhere from wanting to be a teacher to studying Marcomm...I had started to want different things in my life. I wanted to be more in charge of what I did (I never got that opportunity in an agency as the client usually runs the show), I wanted my brains to be used and most important I needed to maintain my work-life balance. And so began my hunt for the next job.

The hunt took me about 6 weeks and I had 2 offers and it took me 2 days I think to take the final call.

I started working for my new organization on the 3rd of May...and as the days went by I could not fight the feeling that this was very close to my dream job...and I'd keep my fingers crossed and say touchwood! The work was good, the people were nice to work with and there was travel.

Last week I went on my first Corporate travel. I traveled to Mumbai on Wednesday, to Delhi on Thursday and back to Bengaluru on Friday. And you know what? As I walked into the airports to catch those early morning flights, tugging my laptop along I suddenly felt that all my dreaming, planning and a little bit of studying had paid off. I was now a part of the Corporate World!!

I slept 13 hours in 3 days. There was an event to attend and then an event to plan for and present. My phone had multiple alarms to make sure I didn't miss my early morning flights...my dreams were about technical glitches, speakers not arriving on time and an empty hall. I was very nervous.

Well, luckily none of these dreams came true. The event went off well...with very minor hiccups...and after 3 days of running around I was back in Bengaluru.

It felt great to be home...and with the events all wrapped up...I felt so light...but my legs hurt.

Yes...you read me right. My legs hurt!! With all the high-heeled footwear I wore to look great...my legs needed an entire Saturday of not being used to recover!!

So yeah, my trip was in a way liberating...I had started carving a little spot for myself in the Corporate World...but well after the 3 days of being a 'high-flyer' all I thought about was the corporate world is a real pain in the heel!

Even Carrie Ends Up Watching Movies on the Couch!

2010-06-17T17:34:00.030+05:30

Last night I watched Julie & Julia and it inspired me to try and make blogging a routine - something I have honestly been trying to do for so long. I guess I need a mission or a deadline like Julie!

The inspiration made me log on and check my blog page after ages. And then I decided to change a little of the layout and background. I promise you I explored shades of blue and green. But somehow blog-wise I am just stuck on pink - a little less of it this time though.

I wanted to leave the page after the visual revamp but felt obliged to put down something to mark this day. Yes, there are things that have been running around in my head waiting to be blogged. But I am at work and I really should not be here in the first place.

So I decided to put in a review of a movie. I love movies. I review them regularly on Facebook and a little less regularly on Twitter. So why have I missed this important part of me on my blog page?? Really wonder why?

Sex & the City 2 released in

India

last week (and like ages ago in the rest of the World) and I was waiting to watch it.

Have I followed all the seasons of SATC on TV? No I have not. Do I score high points on a SATC quiz on Facebook? No I do not. Do I think the characters on the show will help me solve issues in my life wisely? No way!

I have never understood the flak SATC got for being opposed to feminism and all that. Let's be honest. Most of us women have had our very own SATC moments. Be it love, marriage, work, babies...whatever! And that is why I like the show. Yes as girls and women we do tend to worry silly about things...things which most people disregard as unimportant...things which we ourselves know deep down are trivial.

But at that moment not finding the right pair of shoes for a dress to a party you have been planning to go for like over 2 weeks is a BIG DEAL! SATC is just a show that tells us - Don't worry...here are 4 more women in NYC who worry about issues more trivial than yours. And yes that makes me feel nice about myself!

I have caught most seasons on HBO. I have taken the 'Which SATC Character Are You?' quiz. I watched SATC 1 with my girlfriends wearing heels and carrying a fancy bag. I do it for fun.

And for fun I watched SATC 2.

People told me it is a disappointment...but all I say is that it is like a bad habit. You know it is not good for you but you still do it. SATC 2 is not a fantastic movie...no one expects great cinema from this team. But watching it makes me smile and happy...coz it is all about seeing the 4 girlfriends together again.

But yes I wished SATC 2 somewhere showed the 4 girls accepting age gracefully! Hated Samantha's track in this movie. Portraying aging being so hard to accept just makes it worse for most women out there. I would have really liked to see Samantha accept her age and maybe show us some benefits about that. That would not have hurt! Her desperate attempt to be young looked pathetic!

My favorite scene this time too was with Charolette (last time it was when she waved Mr. Big off with her finger) and Miranda...discussing children. Yes! They have help and yet they whine...but it was a nice scene. Something I can picture myself being in.

Carrie was being an annoying and a nagging wife...I know what she expected is not right. But honestly I have made some of those pointless arguments as well. I guess somewhere we want our lives to be glitzy all the time while we very well know deep down that reality is different. It was consoling to see that after marriage even Carrie ends up with take out, on a couch with a tired husband!

Watch it if you are an SATC fan...and watch it to just refresh your memories. This is not great cinema...it never promised to be...

And When it is Time to Leave...

2010-03-31T11:49:00.021+05:30

Today is my last day in Maxus, where I spent over 2 and a half years of my life. My stay here had its share of ups, downs and in betweens. I made great friends, worked with good people and work was enjoyable as well.

Yet a month back I had to make this decision to move on as I realised that I was getting too comfortable with what I was doing. Also, I saw opportunities in jobs which I was always keen on doing; the monetary benefit also helped take this decision.

I have always been the one who takes her decision with her heart. But this time round I think my head was taking the calls all the way.

So yes today my heart is a little heavy, but my head is very clear with what I want for me. I guess it is a sign of growing up.

My time here I will always cherish. And though it is hard change has to be made. It is like ripping off a band-aid. There is a slight burning sensation now...but I am glad that the hard stuff is done with.

I have realised that what I will miss most are the memories and good times I had here...things which are not here today. I have come to understand with time that it is always letting go of familiar places and memories that is the hardest. Like when you leave school, college or a city you've grown in. I feel the same mixed emotion of sadness and excitement today.

As I sign off this is a mail I sent out at work that I want to remember for life.

Subject: My long mail - please be patient

Hi,

A long time back I had heard somewhere - Change is the only constant.

Long time back I did not understand the phrase and I also did not like change. But that is one thing I learnt in Maxus - Change is the only constant.

Be it my team, my boss, my client or their briefs - change was an inevitable part of my 2-year 8-month 15-day stay at Maxus. It was and I think will be the most dynamic work environment that I will work in.

Amidst all this, there were some things that were constant. I'd like to thank the ops team - Ilango, Sivadas, Praveen & Balaji - for having been here all through my stay and constantly helping me with plan implementations, makegoods (Sivadas you were the best!), sponsorships, material deadlines and all of it. My work would not have been half as easy without your help. Sanjay & Kini thanks for helping out with timely estimates and rushed MBA entries!

The team I worked for the longest with was the Britannia team. Asma I want to thank you for teaching me the ways and tricks of the trade. I will always stand by it that you were my teacher! Harpreet you were a super buyer. I know we fought...but you are the best I worked with. Parveen was like a breath of fresh air - so composed so solid. I truly admire that and someday I hope to be like that. But one thing you can learn is to chill out!! The funny guy in the group was definitely Shibu. I remember being apprehensive about you sitting in between HP and me...but well we managed to pull you into our chat sessions very quickly! Honestly Shibu did not resist!! Ranjani was the youngest in the team, eager to learn and sometimes eager to not work as well but a very very affectionate person. Ranj I will surely miss pulling your leg! Venky I think was the quietest member in this team. There is just one question Venky - how did you manage to send that TNS data so quickly?!? It is seriously still a mystery to me!

Naidu! I have told you this before but by being such a great boss you have not prepared any of us to work with normal bosses!! You just raised the bar so high! I truly enjoyed working with you and more so the few long talk sessions we had. Thanks for all the advice, guidance and helping out with work! It was superb working with you.

Two other very important people and fantastic sources of knowledge and entertainment were Praseed & Ratan. It was a thrill to work with them because they made learning fun! Praseed it was really sweet of you to check in on how I was doing. It really meant a lot to me. And Ratan you were the first person who sent me an appreciative mail for my work on Britannia Milk Bikis radio plan. Trust me, as a fresher it was BIG boost!

Vishy your one-liners and solutions to our silly problems always kept a smile on our faces. Some of them I will never forget! Thanks for that!

Post Britannia I moved to group 2.

Harish and Vimal helped me with the transition from presentations and briefs about the brands to anecdotes about the client! Initially I thought they were just being funny, but soon I realised that these were true stories! KK joined me in this adventure a few months late and I think he has got a good of hang of the clients after 25 meetings for Arrow's spring summer collection and Flying Machine's youth presentation! KK you have some refreshing ideas and I wish you success in implementing them! And yes if I open something up in Mysore I will contact you!!

Working with new buyers was fun. Victor I thank you for being patient and always smiling despite my ignorance in the print medium. You truly helped me with it! Ginka it was great to have Flying Machine on TV last year and also managing the Hum Honge Kamyaab video this year!! Good luck with Arrow on TV! Finally my oldest neighbour Kishan...I will never forget the time you cleaned up your desk...hahaha!! Maybe I can use the break to learn Malayalam from the book you gifted me.

Dina, Brad, Srikanth, Agniv and Anisha I admire the way you work. You have always had data and plans ready for me despite short notice. Thanks so much for that.

Post Britannia I was also a small part of the digital team.

My first interaction with Sai was during Mbrace where he was my team mentor. I remember us sleeping at 6 in the morning as we had sat up all night to make the ppt and Sai had been with us all through! His dedication actually scared me! I am glad I got a chance to work with you though it was brief. Sai thanks for taking time out to help me get around digital media. I will miss blogging with you. Chandrakant thanks for the session on Google search and Abhilash thanks for the forwards I used in the blog.

People who make administration work fun! Meena thanks for all the help regarding leave (especially during my wedding). I think I must have bothered you with things you were not even responsible for but you always helped! Suresh thanks for being the one-stop for dealing with all financial formalities. Murali I will truly miss coming down and chatting up with you either to collect my sodexo or other allowances. It was always a pleasure to meet you on Thursdays! Vijay & Vasant thanks for all the IT support which is so crucial in our work.

Titan team...you guys always made me jealous! You always had the 'award winning' ideas!! I remember how in Britannia we used to struggle to come up with entries and you guys just had so many!! I wish the spell continues and this year is an enriching award year for you guys!

Sanchi, we didn't really work much together. I will keep in mind your pointers and I wish you all the best in taking Maxus Bangalore higher!

Maxus has been a great halt. The biggest gift I got from Maxus are my friends - some are still with Maxus and some like Swati, Adi and Push are not. But these are relationships that I truly cherish.

Thank you one and all for being a part of such an important phase in my life.

And like I said - Change is the only constant - and it is time for me to make a change. Today is my last day in Maxus.

Cheers!

A Mother All Over Again

2010-03-09T15:33:00.005+05:30

Ajji was a young mother at 19 - not considered young back then in the 50’s. Amma was her first born, premature and by most of the stories I have heard ugly. Ajji tells me that once a friend came to visit them, saw their baby and said, “You make such a handsome couple, and I expected your baby to be beautiful!” Ajji says that it did hurt, but well my baby was not good looking.

Things didn’t remain this way long. Amma grew up to be a beautiful girl and a centre of affection for many men. In 1975, amma fell in love and five years later my parents wed and moved to Muscat. Ajji had not expected the distance to be so far and I’ve heard stories of amma and ajji bawling their eyes out as amma left to being her journey as a married woman.

Amma was a mother at 23. Ajji was a grandmother at 42.

As a kid, I adored ajji – she was my most favorite person in the world. Leaving her in Mysore was the hardest thing at the end of every summer vacation. I guess that is why in the summer of 94 it was not a hard decision to make when I decided to stay on in Mysore and pursue my studies staying with ajji and thatha.

It was difficult not to be with appa, amma and Varsha. I mean I was only 12 years old. But the change was made easier as I was going to live with ajji and thatha.

I recall some of my friends saying how do you live with your grandparents? Are they cool to live with? And I always wondered how can you not live with them? Thatha is a Physics professor. He is a progressive thinker and not once did I feel a generation gap. Ajji is less educated, but I think this was not a handicap thanks to thatha.

Ajji was my mother through my most formative years – from 12 to 21. In no way am I disregarding thatha’s contribution in these years; he was my companion for classic English movies and the masala Hindi movies; he took me out to eat pizza – back then it was available in just one restaurant in Mysore; he guided me with my studies and discussed literature with me. He had a big hand in shaping a part of the woman I have grown up to be.

But, ajji became a mother all over again at 54.

She listened to my stories through school and then college. She relentlessly watched cookery shows on Udaya TV to make me something special – sometimes successful, sometimes not. She pampered me with gifts for festivals. She narrated stories of the Tamil movie she had watched on Sun TV. She guided me through my various ‘girl-issues’ during adolescence.

I remember this one time; she was on her way to her brother’s house. It was on my way to college. I offered to drop her, but ajji was conscious of her weight and refused. But I insisted anyways, “Ajji, I will take you safely don’t worry. You never sit with me on my Scooty.”

So she sat on my Scooty for the first time. I was extra careful. Balancing ajji was hard. But I managed. I managed most of the way, till someone from the cross road hit my bike and just like that ajji was off her seat. I remember rushing to her, seeing her holding her arm wincing in pain and then almost getting violent with the rash rider. But I did not. Ajji needed me. I rushed to the hospital. Her face cringed every time the auto went into a ditch and every time my heart ached.

After the X-rays and ECGs and some other tests, the doctors told us that her bones in her arm had broken and needed to be put in place through a surgery. I felt tremendous guilt for putting ajji through this. Post surgery, ajji could not lift weights, needed help to bathe, put on her clothes. It hurt me to see her in that situation. I blamed myself.

I don’t remember sitting down with ajji, saying how sorry I was, how guilty I felt. I could not express what I felt in words and ajji…I think she knew how I felt. Ajji recovered over 6 months. It took time. I remember amma coming down to help out.

I moved out of Mysore after college to work in Bangalore. Ajji would make it a point to call me on the land line at ten every night to ensure I was at home. This later changed to alternate days and slowly to once or twice a week.

It’s been 7 years since I moved out. But even today she is my help line when it comes to cooking, matters of the household and so many other things. I probably will never get a chance to say this to her, but I thank her for becoming a mother again, for guiding me, for hugging me when I missed my parents, for sitting up with me to watch TV serials (which we’d later discuss).

Ajji is still my most favorite person in the world.

Sense & Sensibilities

2009-04-12T16:31:00.010+05:30

This blog I warn you has one intention - blowing steam.

Last month it was announced that the account I work for was calling for a Pitch (for the laymen - a Pitch is just a fancy word people from the advertising and creative fraternity like to use instead of a drab phrase like tender submission). This was unexpected for me...at my level...coz with the top management 'protecting' you; you hardly ever have the real picture.

I work on a big client (big = big monies & big as*****s). They want every paisa of theirs to be worth at least a few thousand rupees...I hope you get my drift. I've never quite been fond of my client...and don't really think that my affection for them is going to change as I have been feeling the same way for 21 months now. In fact I was also planning to do something different and not work for the biggies.

Anyways, the announcement of the Pitch just made me feel really angry with my client. Coz I had been putting in my best and I know for a fact that my counterparts were doing their best too. I had also heard that my rather anal client had appreciated our work...something I really didn't publicize as well my client is anal! So then where had we gone wrong? Why was all the work I had put in for the last 21 months being questioned? And why didn't I have a clue about the Pitch?

I didn't know the answers to these questions...and well my higher ups didn't really think it was high time to stop 'protecting' us and maybe for a change tell us the facts.

Going on, with a Pitch one always had the right to not Pitch. Considering our work was being questioned openly and obviously the client wanted better I didn't see the point of trying to win this business back. But at my level...my opinions really do not matter. So the decisions were made and we asked to jump on board to fight to keep the Biggies with us. We had a rather fake inspirational speech about having fire in our bellies and about handling our anal client actually being a prestige for all of us...a prestige worth sacrificing sleep, eating nutritious food, holidays, weekends...basically our lives for 20 whole days.

We were given the 'option' of opting out...but you know it was one of those options...where there actually is only one option!

So yes I kind of trudged along with the team...with no fire in my belly but a small spark under my ass (which with time would rage into a fire)...and went along and sacrificed my first family vacation with my folks after my wedding...a 5-day long weekend with my husband who was busy all of March...my first Vishu for which I had picked out my sari like a month back...and yes lots of couch time and love time with my husband.

We started work on 30-March and with every passing day the team working on the pitch grew from 6 to 8 to 13 to 15 to 18...and the hours we put in on an average was 12 hours...all through the week. We've been working 13 days now and somehow with just a day for the pre-read (tender) to be submitted we still seem to have a lot of work...that requires my counterparts and me to just hang around in office waiting upon the bosses to seek inspiration from our rather tired sleep deprived faces to find some more new work.

But slowly with each passing day I realised that this pitch was not the fault of my level...but the fault of the 'protectors'. Their biggest mess up is that they did not keep us informed of the situation. There was no warning, no preparation time...which I am sure they had plenty of. The last two months we were being continuously reminded by our 'protectors' to be proactive with information to the client. This according to be is probably the smallest issue our big client has with us.

There had to be bigger issues - the existence of which I am aware of but the details I am not. My intelligence tells me that my 'protectors' failed to address the bigger issues...trying to stress us out on the smaller ones...to manoeuvre the client into believing we were taking the efforts. But what I have come to understand is that they got caught with the micro and forgot about the macro. And courtesy them not doing their management properly our anal client just got more anal and called for the Pitch.

Now why for the fault of 'protectors' do I have to doubt my capabilities...be forced to think about having a job on hand...be sacrificing my life outside work trying to work hard and fight for something I don't care about? The answer is not money...coz honestly I don't get much of that.

I think the answer is the lack of sense and sensibilities.

The guys in charge mess up. Their biggest account calls for the pitch. Before a plan is put up or even communicated to the team...a bunch of other minds are brought down from the other offices to add fresh thinking...which translates into lots of ideas flying all over the place and no direction...which then percolates into a bunch of juniors running around like headless chickens trying to deliver work to their more than one bosses...lots of data...lots of excel...lots of work hours...lots of rework hours...lots of people slowly making their way out of work...lots of frustration...lots of chaos...and still directionless.

It is this crazy need to work unplanned long hours...and look enthusiastic about something your heart is not into...which makes me wonder why don't sensible people exist anymore?

We are in the business of Planning and Communication (I love this line) and yet we could use a lot of lessons on planning and communicating. Today is a Sunday, and I am at work...and yet I have time to blog...which means I don't work...and I am here just for the count...count of people who don't have their priorities right...count of inefficient people...count of more work hours going waste.

All this effort we are putting in today...had the 'protectors' been proactive with the client...got the bunch of other minds down from the other offices to add fresh thinking...used their senses to understand their environment and competition...been sensible in handling the woes of the big client...would I not have been at The Serai in Chikmagluru today?

Best Wife in a Supporting Role

2009-03-22T19:02:00.024+05:30

It is the awards' season...so for the lack of creativity I am choosing to go with cliches for my title.

I am a Drama Queen. And I enjoy all the drama in my life...I create most of it and other times I encourage it. Life for me has truly been a stage...things that happen to me are acts of my life...my life being this huge play where I am the central character...the heroine. It is hilarious when I write it down in words like this...but though this may be a wee bit exaggerated...I do look at my life like this. An interesting story I will tell my kids and their kids.

Now marriage is a crucial turn in my 'play'...which I was sure would have many many 'acts' which would be difficult and testing. Honestly, when I took this decison I didn't know what I was completely getting into...I don't think anyone knows. It is something one can not contemplae, plan or predict. So if anyone says I know what I am getting to - it is a lie!

Marriage I have to come to see is constitution whose requirements are quite dynamic...ever changing always demanding. Now whatever I say, I am must confess will be biased. I am a wife and anything I feel or say is a wife's view.

Going on...as the days pass I have come to realise that this 'chapter' in my 'play' forces me to give up my favorite central charater and move quickly and quietly to the side. Quickly as this change is expected as soon as the chapter starts and quietly as no one really wants to hear you crib that you have lost the importance. You know so what if you are a playing a supporting role - you are important for the play and bring so much to it!

Having lived most of my life putting my interest before anyone elses and having parents who have always kept me happy, I must confess that after one ceremony to suddenly put everyone's happiness or requirements before yours and not minding if things happening are not making you happy does not come easily...definitely not for me.

Giving up the lead is probably going to be the hardest part of this chapter for me. And even harder will be doing it quietly...by handling the situation within myself.

I call ma and she says he is a yelle nimbekai understand...like I am a pro at this! My girlfriends say keep quiet now...talk to him later...he is the guy you are the girl...accept that. Men are always like this...don't let him know you are feeling hurt. Talk to him when you are calm. Ma says we have all been through it...men will always get nervous that marriage is changing them and they will try hard to prove it to everyone that it has not.

The general opinion is...yes Drama Queen you are dealing with a man with a very crazy work life...it is hard...and yes he is not giving you time...but you have to be supportive...explain what you are going through...but understand what he is going through.

In so many many words everyone is hinting that I should move to the back seat. Be the friend who can cheer him up when he is low (if he chooses to talk to you about it). Be the person who understands that despite marriage he needs space...you may have plans for 'us'...but accept it when he chooses to do something else. Be the calm wife if thanks to friends or family he chooses to ignore you the entire weekend...as it 'His' time. Be the adjusting and smiling daughter-in-law...even when your heart is heavy...

The past 4 weekends he has worked every weekend. I have run around town alone...to get away from the loneliness. This loneliness stings more as it comes after marriage a step you take for a lifetime of companionship. Today this is the biggest problem in my life...and the man who promised to take care of me on the 21st of December goes around turing his back on me...chatting late into the night with family but snoring away as soon as we get into our room...choosing not to talk about what I am going through as I have not bothered to understand and accept his work life...and he still expects me to be smiling and ever social in front of his family who is visiting us this weekend.

And as he doesn't feel this...I am going to say it myself. Despite this tough switch in roles that I am going through I am sure I have done full justice to my daughter-in-law duties.

I hope that someday soon he realises that we live together...avoiding conversations...ignoring issues...putting things off with a hug or a baby face will not get us anywhere better. Yes I am the woman...yes I have to be understanding...yes I have to be supportive. But he is the man...and he is responsible for me...he has to take care of my needs...and I hope he can understand that and support me.

The Fastest 25 Days Of My Life

2009-02-18T14:31:00.078+05:30

I had heard from friends that you plan and plan for months and your wedding is over in a jiffy. Well, I wish I could say that is untrue...but as the title suggests December through January I went through the fastest 25 days of my life. Though the whole time was exciting, there are some memories that I will treasure and never forget.

Ma and me running all over Ghandhibazar looking for matching petticoats for our saris and the next day Jayanagar 4th block looking for luggage for my wedding. I finally picked up 2 red Antler trolley bags.

Me arriving 30 minutes late for my spa appointment at Angsana on their weekly half day. But as I was a bride they made an exception and I got to keep my appointment. The treatment you ask? Heavenly!!

Varsha and me waiting for over 3 hours to get our blouses, which were quite messed up, from our fake designer's workshop. Yes you read it right! Me the super-duper planner actually believed this girl was a designer. Later I realized all the works she showed me were basically her own clothes which her tailor had worked on!!

Dinner at HRC with appa, amma, Varsha and Sush - she landed early to help me handle my nerves. She is the bestest!!

Sush and me running around Jayanagar 4th block this time looking for salwaars for the mehendi and then Taj. After roaming all morning, we finally found the prettiest thing at Fab India 5 minutes away from home!

The bachelorette party!! Adi, Sush, Varsha and I having a gooood time...trying the corset in the ladies room and then thanks to Sush the crazy dance! Not revealing any more :-) The best part?!? We then went to meet Tarun's family at LoR...but we weren't very drunk...honest!

The morning of the Naandi I realised that I take lots of time to get ready and that I needed help draping a Kanchivaram sari. In my hurry, I remember not wearing my contacts for the function. Luckily things were not too blurry.

Despite my ongoing tiff with Tarun I was just sooo delighted to see him 18th morning.

The four of us (appa, amma, Varsha and me) sitting together to perform the pooja was nice because I seriously have no memory of us ever performing a pooja for that long together. I did get a little teary when appa and amma went round the pyre.

Sunanda aunty coming all the way from Mysore just for the Naandi. The sweetest gesture...

Varsha, Sush and my pedicure treatment that afternoon at Bounce and then Tarun ending up at Bounce for his haircut. I was meeting just him I think after more than 15 days. So Sush and Varsha ran away to do some shopping...and Tarun and I spent sometime at Coffee Day on Lavelle...where we had earlier spent time during our internships...memories :-)

Friday the 19th was a crazy day. Had Vidya the beautician come home...after I was done with that Kinja, Varsha, Sush and I hired a cab and went to Commercial Street to pick up ear rings, bangles for Sush and me. And then we had to rush back home for the mehendi session. Adi, Varsha, Sush and I ordered in pizza and Adi stayed over that night. The next morning I realised that my mehendi was the lightest!

20th was my first official day as a bride...with so many people at the lunch at Taj I was super nervous for the first and actually the last time. As Adi, Varsha, Sush and I walked into the lawn I will never forget how beautiful Taj looked. They had surpassed my expectations.

That night my 2-hour nap with Misha scores high on the memory list.

Sush and my last night up chatting :) Think we were up till a little after 1 a.m.

On the whole 21st is a day I will never forget...but what I will treasure is the first time I saw Tarun...I was soooo happy...my eyes welled up...I was getting MARRIED to him!
I also kept giggling for some reason. Was even asked to stop giggling and be a little more demure by an uncle...hahaha!

Our room at Taj was just a dream.

Tarun dancing away all night at our reception at the Manipal County. His best performance was for Jhumma Chumma...yeah he danced to that number.

But ajji tata on the floor just beat everything else!

Varsha's outburst...literally too...hehehe!

Lunch in our room at Taj...and drinks at the Blue Bar with Varsha, Tushar, Sudhanva & Dinkar.
Visit to the registration office on the 24th. For a minute there I thought appa was going to yell at the officer and we'd never get our marriage registered!

The 1st family outing on the 25th - Ghajini and later the trip to mysore and the lunch at Metropole on the 26th. Jayashree aunty joined us too.

Uncle getting emotional as he saw Tarun & me off to the airport to catch our flight to Bali.

My first trip outside India with Tarun started with coffee at Harrods.

Our room at Kayumanis Ubud...was breath-taking...this made Taj look like whatever!

Our picnic to the Buahan village where we sat in a gazebo overlooking a green valley and heavy showers...this was waaaay more romantic than my dreamy head had ever imagined!

Dinner in the room on the 31st...I did end with an uneasy tummy that night...but it was probably the most beautiful, intimate and romantic new year's eve I will ever have and the best I had ever had after Tarun entered my life!

Renting DVDs and watching movies curled up in bed in our room...that was just the best...not the movies...

The whole day shopping at Kuta and then our visit to HRC. Tarun went insane clicking away on appa's olympus.

The weekend in Jayanagar before appa left...I was sick but the Varsha, Sudhanva and Tarun worked on the wedding albums and it just looked gorgeous. And tata was over for the weekend so we got to share the Bali snaps with him.
6th was the day I will always count as the 1st day I spent with the Menon's. Uncle wasn't around, but aunty, Tarun and I went to place an order for our albums, had lunch at Hong Kong Hustle, went to the dry cleaners and then checked out furniture stores for a chest of drawer. Liked something at Fab India, so ordered that and Tarun and I picked up our first thing for home...a lamp for our room.

The 1st official lunch at achchamma's on the 7th...I was all dressed in a salwaar with the thali. Oh! Tarun and I picked up a printer cum scanner...maybe this is our first buy as the lamp came by exchanging coupons.

On the 9th Tarun and I took ma to the hospital as she had a catch in her back. We then collected the albums and were home in time for lunch with aunty before she left for Dubai. It is then that it hit me that I was going to be managing a home with Tarun...

The weeks after have had lots of things happening...and it is already over 2 months. Time flies...and I hope to capture as much as possible by writing about it...and now off to the kitchen I go...to make some puliyogre for dinner.

Where Is The Romance?

2008-12-14T10:10:00.010+05:30

I wonder sometimes - where is the romance today? You must think it is weird that a week away from my D-Day I should be the one to believe in romance. But sadly I don’t. So then what about love? Well, I believe in love…I think love has survived these times. As the D-day inched closer, I always thought that the romance that once existed would somehow reappear. I remember when we started dating he was so romantic. He was the first to tell me the 3 words…and repeat it a million times after…every time assuring me that I could take my time to reciprocate. And I did just that and basked in all the attention. He told me how I was ‘The One’...how I was so woman and just how well we fit. I know we were younger then…it was all new…and we were in love. But the love still exists…the love way more than then. He has been my strength in many situations and I hope I have been the same in his life. But then as I wait for him to call and tell me sweet nothings…or plan a romantic date…or at least spend time with me over the weekend…or try not to meet me for 2 hours in a whole week…I am forced to believe that somewhere down the 3 years the romance ceased to exist. These times are hard to survive…sadly work seems to take most part of our week and many times his weekends as well. Distances are larger…ambitions are higher…and the journey is more a struggle which just manages time for companionship and a little love…but the romance has not survived this journey. Every time he cancels on me…or changes the plan (which really pisses me off) I am expected to understand, be supportive and just relax. So I do give it a shot…but don’t last more than 2 weeks. He says there is no expiry date for being there for him…and that it is not a barter system that at the end of it I will get something. I wonder how his friends, family, colleagues and everyone else except me would have reacted if they had been stood up so many times and could he have asked them to just be there for him without any expectations without their patience wearing out? This is probably a question for which I will never get an answer…but I still wonder… Every time I complain or as he would put it nag, he tells me that this is the way of life today…that it is impractical for him to plan something after 9 in the night…that I am being immature…and that no one has such a rocking life. And I don’t see how what I am doing is wrong…what is wrong in being impractical, immature and dreaming of a rocking life at times? Romance is the result of these ways which most people scorn at… The popular belief is that romance is a girl thing…that begin romantic makes a man more of a wuss, less macho and more hen-pecked. But as we put up with so many of your guy things I think men should entertain some girl things as well and trust me there is a lot of gaining for the men too! To put it simply, men need to realize that all the romance in the first 3 months of a relationship is what makes the woman want to be with them…and if occasionally romance could sneak up the walk down memory lane could be very rewarding!

When Terror Strikes We Need to Strike Back

2008-12-06T12:26:00.007+05:30

The attacks in Mumbai on 26th November need no introduction. They made front page news all across the globe...unlike the many many other terror attacks India has more than often been a victim to. Indians have died on trains, in markets, while watching movies, in hospitals, on the road and pretty much any place imaginable. 26th of November was not the first time Indians were attacked, or our security was questioned. Yet, there was something different this time. I think it was the magnitude of the attack...and like on a show Simi said the audacity of the terrorists...the targets chosen...it was not just the aam junta this time. Indians have for a change reacted strongly about this event...and questioned their leaders...leaders who said aise bade sheharon mein aise choti baatein hoti hain...leaders who make the visit to the attack sites look like an excursion with an actor son and his director friend tagging along...leaders who at every chance try to divide us based on caste, religion and region...leaders who have security every step of their life...and this security extends to their family as well...leaders who have never been able to unite to fight terrorism... Don't pay your taxes some said...vote for better leaders others said...stay out of this we will deal with it many said...unite at least now Indians asked... It has been over a week...and what has happened? Many peace marches have been held in cities across India...something I think became a fad after RDB. Ministers have resigned and been replaced (there are still quarrels with other ministers not happy with the replacements). Speculation of the operations conducted and India's way ahead have been discussed on many news channels by different panelists like Mahesh Bhatt...and basically anyone who is willing to talk. India has blamed terror groups in Pakistan and Pakistan has asked India to get over their Pakistan Obsession. Ms. Rice has flown down to India and Pakistan to help us sort issues. And hopefully today after 60 years of independence and maybe at least 2 decades of terror attacks...most of which are still unsolved with criminals gallivanting all over the world...India has decided to come with an agency like the FBI. Life goes on...hopefully in the direction to achieve something concrete...and to punish people who were involved in terror attacks in India. But when I think about those 3 horrifying days...of all the helpless families and friends of the even more helpless people stuck in the 2 hotels...I wonder...so much loss...for what? This is a war for a cause we don't understand. We'd like to believe it is a Muslim thing...but many Muslims don't understand the cause either. And I don't understand what was achieved at the end of this... Couples who went for a quiet dinner at some of the best restaurants in the world lost their spouses...or left their children orphaned...as the GM of Taj helped his guests...his wife must have looked helplessly as she saw the fire engulf her home and knew she would not be able to save her children...and one of the sadder stories of a Muslim home destroyed with all the bread winners dying at the CST... The pathos of these events definitely scarred me...and terrified many Indians. Indians feel unsafe and are scared for the lives of their loved ones. The hijack threats that came in within a week of the Mumbai attacks frightened Indians all the more. I believe there were sms's in Bangalore saying malls have received terror attack threats. Many friends of mine think it is better to be safe. So why use domestic flights...why go to malls...why watch movies? There are discussions of war with Pakistan...taking out the terror camps where these men were trained. But I think the most important thing when striking back is to not be afraid...is to not let these groups to make us stop living our lives. We need to be stronger...we need to stop panicking...we need to stop thriving on fear... This attack has to bring more progressive change...and fear is regressive...that is the last thing India wants today. Finally I salute all those brave men who fought the terrorists...and not just the ones from the police or NSG...even the ones trapped, held as hostages...survived or lost their lives. They are all heroes...

Six Months To Six Weeks

2008-11-11T16:29:00.028+05:30

I think my post in June this year spoke about me having 6 months to go before D-Day. Well, now I have 6 weeks...and I am trying to figure how that feels... And as I figure that...I keep going through the last 3 years with him in my head...the first time we spoke...hanging out together - initially in a group and then just the two of us...the whole 'I like him, but what the hell is he thinking?' phase... As I ponder, I remember some moments which had slipped my mind over the last 3 years... Like there was that time when a bunch of us were planning to go out to Kiva...and I had asked him to join us...but well he had plans. I remember that I was a wee bit disappointed...something that I chose to ignore then. Anyways we carried on with your plans and landed at Kiva...only to find the place filled with people and no tables for us. After a lot of discussion we decided to head to Thousand Oaks...now I had no idea his plans were at Thousand Oaks... I still remember how delighted I was to see him...think it was his friend's birthday and he sneaked me a piece of chocolate cake...hehehe! He also offered me a ride home...and I just wanted to say yes...but well I didn't want to be rude to the guy who had driven us there in the first place... This is just one of those times... Today to think of those days and now...makes me go - Wow! We have come a long way...from all the blushing and gushing to the arguments and the adjustments...from me telling him to plan a surprise for our anniversary to him planning an evening at the Taj with lilies and cake...

A Few Glances, A Few Smiles And Three Conversations

2008-10-23T18:36:00.037+05:30

This is a story I never thought I'd tell...but 7 years have gone and still the memory brings warmth, smiles and tears. I was 19...in college...studying something I'd never use again in my life whilst making friends and memories I'd treasure forever.

Life was complicated...from a 19-year old's point of view that is. Apart from doing a course I hated...college for me was more like high school - so many friend-issues, popularity-issues, boy-issues and so on and so forth. But I think the boy-issues are what I treasure the most.

Back then I think 'falling in love' was something that happened so easily. Embarrassing as it is today...I did 'fall in love' many times. Why do I put it in quotes? Well, most of my love stories were filled with many accidental bump-ins, lots of knowing smiles, a few awkward conversations and then I'd realize it wasn't love.

And so 7 years back...my heart fluttered again...this time it was the captain of the basket ball team (I think he held that position). It started with a glance as I dropped my friend Kenz off at the library (a place I never ventured into unless I was looking for one of my studious friends)...and there he was waiting for Kenz. It was just one glance and I still remember the rush I felt...and I knew he felt it too.

I am so sure he felt it coz the next day Kenz was like - What did you do? He wants me to introduce you to him. Ah!! I was sooo delighted that day. Yeah I did put it off for a while...you know was trying to show I was not desperate to meet him. Old school tricks worked in Mysore...so I just stuck to many many more glance and smile exchanges between us...I wonder today why we never just walked up and introduced ourselves...

Finally a few days after my 19th birthday I told Kenz that his friend is always looking at me and trying to smile so maybe he should just introduce us...like I was doing the boy a favor! After that, I remember how everyday I'd take extra care to dress up to college...and the funny thing is I got introduced when I was in college for an hour in an ugly green tee! He wanted me to join him for some party for all the Bangaloreans in college...when I told him I am not a Banglorean...his reply was we are allowed to get friends. Probably the worst way to cover up asking a girl on a date...but it worked and I was thrilled. That was conversation number 1.

That party never happened...but we now said hi to each other. For the chatterbox that I am I wonder why we hardly spoke to each other. Well, I guess you could blame the exams in August and the semester break in September. We did talk on the last day of our exams...about the exams...plans for the break...and the other stuff is a blur. But I remember him sitting on his YBX...and me standing smiling trying to look all confident but all melted inside. That was conversation number 2.

I gushed about him all through my break...I told my folks, my grandparents, my sister and Shrootha...it was the most romantic of my love stories...and I was waiting for semester 5 to begin. Shrootha had told me to talk to him and not just hi and smile like a goofy. So I was all pumped up to take this to the next step - Hi! How are you?

Semester 5 was no different...every time I ran into him I was in a rush...to get into class or mostly to get out of it. Or I was with Krip trying to sort out his girlfriend-issues. This whole thing was moving at a snail's pace...and I was funnily still super excited.

And finally 23rd October, 2001.

I had finished my labs in the morning...and for some weird reason could not find any of my friends to have lunch with. So as I wandered aimlessly in our basement canteen...I saw him...and I just knew that we would have our conversation number 3.

We spoke and spoke and spoke...I remember his friends grinning on the side and walking and some more cocky ones actually winking, slapping him on his back. He got me a mazaa from our canteen and we just talked...about where we are from, where we live, what we like, family, school, college, the course...oblivious to everyone around...I was soooo happy...I just didn't want lunch break to end. I remember Sajjad (a classmate) trying to be the third participant in the conversation...and just not leaving...but I think we were very cold and he left in 5 minutes...7 years later I still smile and go a little pink in my cheeks when I remember that day...

He asked me to join him on the train the next day to Bangalore as both of us were headed there...he for the long Dasara weekend...and me for my cousin's wedding...I just wanted to say yesss...but I was sticking to my old school tricks...so I declined and said that we'd catch up when we get back...

That evening I got back home and was flying...felt so light...felt so happy...felt exhilarated...and I can today say that it was one of the happiest days of my life.

When I got back on the 29th I remember talking to Krip who was advising me not to waste anymore time and then Kenz called and was like why didn't you come to college today? He was looking for you.

So obviously on the 30th I spent close to an hour getting ready...I had to look great...it was a BIG day! And I did look pretty...in my lucky white chudidhaar with pink flowers...it made me look elegant. I got to lab...it was a week since the 23rd and I was just waiting to get my outputs and leave...meet him at the canteen...and buy him something this time...

I was telling my lab-mate all this...when they made the announcement that just changed everything...I felt like something really heavy come down upon me...I could not stand and everything around seemed to be going in circles...my eyes just welled up...but my head kept telling me not to believe what I had just heard...

And just like that in a few seconds my love story came to an end...

I was rushed out of the lab by Manasa and Kenz and we went to the hospital. I remember Prashanth, his good friend, telling Manasa to take me back. I never saw him...I could not get myself to do that...

I went back to college...to the canteen...and wept and wept and wept...I could not stop...I could not control my emotions...I could not move. Finally when Krip got there, I hugged him and sobbed. He took me home...and I lay in bed all day...crying...I cried very long...many days...many weeks...many months.

The loss was too much for me to handle...and I think somewhere down the line I had fallen in love with him over the 6 months of glances, smiles and the 3 conversations...

The thought of that day makes me weep even today...and the thought of our conversation number 3 makes me blush even today...

A Vacation of Many Firsts

2008-09-18T13:23:00.006+05:30

I am back from my last trip home before the wedding. This holiday promised to be quite high on emotion - you know the whole I am getting married and I have grown up and I will be someone's wife and I will be part of a new family. All the traditional thoughts that go through a girl's head before D-Day. But things took quite a drastic turn...and I had a very high dosage of emotions this time round. A day before I landed in Muscat, Appa had a heart attack. Amma kept the news from me till 3 hours before I boarded the flight. I don't think I reacted to the news...ever. I mean, I just didn't know how to react and maybe by the time I had digested the news there was so much to do...that there was no time to react. Walking out of the airport and seeing appa and amma's excited faces has always given me a thrill. In fact I have taken extra care to what I wear and how I look despite odd flight timings. Everytime I land appa hugs me and says You've lost weight :) I must tell you that appa and ajji are probably the only people who feel that...I always tell appa not to be loud coz anyone around will definitely not think of me as slim girl. This was the first time in the last 15 years that appa was not at the airport to receive me. Ma was there with friends...but appa missing really tugged at my heart. That was the first change. Ma and I chatted on our way home...I asked how all this happened. It was a very normal conversation...no one was emotional...just dealing with the situation. We got home, rested and then after a couple of phone calls from friends who had heard about appa, ma and I left for the hospital. Appa has been in hospitals before...but funnily I have never seen him in one. Appa was in the ICU when I first met him...he looked happy. He was definitely enjoying all the attention everyone was showering him with...but this had certainly rattled him. Ma was her usual calm self...more focussed on what to do and how to do it. The first week of my vacation was largely spent at the hospital. Once appa came home things were much better. It was the first time I had spent so much time with appa as he was under complete rest - no office, no evening walks and no socializing. While appa was under complete rest, amma was fulfilling her duties by being Super Mom. Along with managing the home, appa's health and diet, amma was single handedly driving me around town from malls to tailors to the spa and the souq. I knew she was tired...but she wanted to ensure that I had got most of my shopping done and that at the end of it I had a good holiday. The Gowri pooje was the highlight of the holiday. Amma managed to organize a get together in 2 days. We about 20 odd friends visit us that day - some old and many new. For a change I was showered with all the bride-to-be attention...and I quite enjoyed myself. My last Gowri pooje at home before the wedding...the reason for me planning my trip at this time of the year. The last 2 nights, we also went out to Kargeen and Pavoreal for dinner. My holidays home are never complete without trips to these restaurants. Poor appa sat most of the evening without eating at all...quite a tough task for a foodie like him. Saying goodbye was the hardest. I just didn't want to leave them this time. It was the first time in many years that I cried at the airport...something I didn't do even when I was 12. I guess that was the first time I reacted... Getting married, for reasons I do not know, is always an emotional phase for a girl. I knew that my life in these months would change and I'd be running through so many feelings and emotions. So yes in a way I was prepared...but when you see the first man in your life down...there is something that is scary and unsettling about it. Then when your mother is being strong for you and him and her parents...not once saying what she is going through with complete honesty...you see who you will have to be in the future...which now doesn't seem very far. My holiday wasn't the joy ride I had expected it to be. But despite the drastic turn of events, just the time with appa amma was worth all the change of plans which I never take too well to. I will cherish the time spent watching movies with appa, the visit to the spa with amma and the last day when appa amma helped me pick up my lehenga for my wedding reception...I guess a trip home is always great...no matter what...

Third Time Lucky

2008-08-14T16:15:00.009+05:30

Before I start, let me tell you that I am getting married in Ganjam. How did this miraculous changes happen? Well, I am just happy with the result and think analysing it is just joy-kill. Guess now all my ranting seems silly...but I must say it is the best one I have written so far.

When I heard about this probable change of venue I was on a holiday...a weekend getaway with my girlfriends. Before this news I had planned to get back and write about my trip. But well, emotions took over...

So this is a long pending blog.

Harpreet and Adi from work and I have been planning a trip for the longest time now. The 1st trip we planned was to Goa way back in March. I don't want to get into the details but we didn't go despite having rooms booked and a return ticket. Just unfortunate circumstances and awful luck.

Then in May, the three of us were super kicked because we had discovered Tiger Airways. Our trip to Singapore was going to be very cheap. But then the weekend we were planning to go ended up being the one hosting the F1 night race or something. So we didn't find a place to stay. This plan went down the drain too.

Finally in July, we decided to go Hampi. Amma had been earlier in July...it looked like a beautiful place...and it was easy to travel to.

We planned to take a night train to Hospet on 25-Jul...the same day Bengaluru was rattled by a few blasts which caused some amount of panic and the unfortunate demise of one woman...unfortunate as these bombs were meant to scare not kill.

Anyways this just made the three of us feel third time unlucky...guess the girl trip before my wedding was something that was not going to happen.

But after some thought and talk...we decided to go. Probably one of the wisest decisions I have made in recent times. Harpreet, Adi and I had a blast. It was my first girl trip and theirs too...and we realised how much fun going without the boys is.

Hampi is a beautiful city...and to our luck the weather was brilliant...and our guide Hussain was quite a darling. We listened intently and asked him many questions and with our journey included him in our giggles and crazy girlie talk. We posed as dancers in the ruined temples and as models in the dark stairways...memories I will cherish always.

Harpreet & Adi are new friends...but very dear...and super important for the success of every Girl-Fun I am ticking off on my To-Do list before the wedding.

The best part of thr trip was this crazy video we took...messages to our future husbands and kids. Guess that is something you could never do with the boys...

Though we are independant women...and enjoy being single. Somewhere we look forward to husbands, children and families. And soon like our mothers did we will make these our priorities too...but I hope that unlike our mothers we do not forget the girls we were and the women we are. Maybe just once in a while slipping back to the Harpreet, Adi and Vibha that we were at Hampi that weekend would not be such a bad idea!

To Be With The One You Love

2008-07-29T10:36:00.022+05:30

My life at every stage has been planned...planning trips, planning dinners out, planning weekends. And I like to do this way ahead of the actual event. So, it is but natural that last year when in August he proposed I started my research and planning for my wedding. I read articles in Cosmo about best wedding locales in India. Kerela and Goa emerged with many many options...but when I discussed it with ma...she said it didn't make sense. We'd have to pay for every one's travel and stay...and our 'everyone' is a large number. That is when I first realised my wedding was not going to be my ideal wedding.

What is my ideal wedding?!? Well, I always wanted a temple wedding...in a heritage temple...like the ones in Bellur and Hallebidu. I saw these temples when I was 10 years old...and though I deny dreaming about and planning my wedding since then, I think somewhere deep down I saw myself being married there. A traditional wedding...a small number of people...just the close ones...who mattered to me and for whom my wedding was a priority not just curiosity.

To cut down the travel and the trouble people who come from outside Bengaluru have to take I then decided that I will find a place that resembles my picture of my ideal wedding. So the hunt began and I was left with 2 options - Villa Potipatti in Malleshwaram and Ganjam Mantapa in Basavangudi. South Bangalore made sense to us and Ganjam...hmmm...it is a beautiful home...ethnic and so Indian. Unlike many other halls in the city which translate grand to chandeliers, red carpets, AC and all things that according to me are just gaudy. Also, Ganjam accommodates 400 people when compared to Villa Potipatti which has place for just 100...obviously that meant many of my 'everyone' would not have made it to my list.

So in April when my wedding was fixed the first thing I did was call Ganjam Mantapa (yes, I already had their number) and reserve the place for 21st December. Within hours of finalizing the guest list I went ahead and booked Ganjam. This was the only thing I wanted for my wedding. No jewellery, no clothes, nothing plush and fancy....just plain, simple Indian. I remember telling my sister, I will choose my battles. Once I got Ganjam I was willing to give into everything - what I had to wear, number of poojas, number of events. All of it was worth it, because Ganjam made my wedding as close to ideal as possible in Bengaluru.

He loved the place too...we had already made a trip there way back in January and were delighted at the thought of getting married in such a quaint home. It just added so much ground to our marriage. But like I have said before...once the parents get involved you are pretty much left with zilch.

By the day the guest list kept increasing. My parents are very social people and I have liked that about them. But then they never know when to draw the line...so 200 became 250 and then 300. Slowly I was pushing my friends into different events to keep the guest list within 400. The truth that this wedding is ours not yours, just yours to give us is something parents never get. It is always their wedding for them with their kids in it...doing exactly what they want. As you must have guessed...we are no longer saying our vows at Ganjam. Now it will be in a red carpeted, bulb-filled, white walled, air conditioned hall in front of 200 friends and 400 strangers. My parents expect me to be happy with the decision as it was long coming. But the planner that I am I take offense when my plans are run over with least regard to my dreams and feelings. Our parents don't want to hurt their acquaintances by not allowing them to participate in our wedding...but well they are completely willing to consciously bypass our wishes and carry on with their changed agendas expecting us to trod along with enthusiasm as they love us and always want the best for us.

The past two days, we have spoken to each other, tried to see if we could make our parents change their decisions and finally after failing consoled each other. And it is when he was consoling me he said the sweetest thing - I really like Ganjam...I like it even more because you like it. Those words just made me fall in love with him all over again. This man gives me hope - hope that he will stand by me and will never intentionally hurt my feelings or disregard my wishes. And if he ever does, I guess he will at least have the right things to say. So I guess though my wedding isn't ideal or even close to ideal...I am just glad it is with the man I love...because well, even that could have been changed!

I Don't Want to be Alone!!

2008-07-21T22:28:00.009+05:30

So last Saturday was the Grihapravesh - my first 'family' do. The plan was that I attend this event with my fiance...but as IMRB would have it...he could not make it to town...instead he was tied down all weekend with work. Going alone was a scary thought। Was hoping my sister would accompany me...but well she would join me only after class. So there I was stranded...on my own...with no one seeing my point of view. Yes, I know the family. Yes, they are sweet people. But I didn't want to be alone! With no choice left, I started the 19th of July at 7 a.m.. There was no power...so I could not turn the heater on. I started my Yoga workout (yes, I have been doing it for over a week now), but was restless and didn't complete it. Then I drove down to to give my bike for service - I really wonder why I chose this day. When I reached there I realised I had forgotten my service voucher. Somehow managed to get things done and rushed home... Still no power. So I just got into a cold shower. I was going to wear a sari. I put on my jewellery first and then moved on to my make up and finally the sari. Now, I have been draping the sari with no help for the past 3 years...but as luck would have it I tried 4 times that day and it just looked awful. My eyes started welling up...I had to think of something. It was already 10 a.m. and I had to leave soon. I finally went to my neighbour and asked aunty to help me with the pleats. Luckily this time I had everything I needed for the visit packed in my small bag...so there were no million trips between the door and my room. I drove to their house. The house is way out of the city...but as the traffic was thin I got there in good time. Mentus came down to receive me. It was great to see him after over 3 months. As the elevator landed on the mezzanine floor I could feel my heart pounding. I walked with him to the house...and in the veranda I could see a pair of eyes looking at me with curiosity (later I was introduced to my fiance's grandaunt). Everyone was thrilled to have me there. Aunty introduced me to the family that was already there and then showed me around the house. Aunty spoke about everything she was going to do to get the house ready (for us to live in). I was hoping to get time with Mentus...but well I ended up with all the ladies in the living room...talking about work...commuting to work...where did we meet...my skin...ya da ya da ya da. Yes, the family is sweet. Yes, the family is simple. Yes, the family spoke in English more than Malayalam. Yes, they made me comfortable. Yes, they didn't stare at me too much. But I didn't want to be alone!! As more of the family walked in and out...I was introduced by my name...as their son's fiancee...as their to be daughter-in-law and finally as their daughter-in-law. It is the strangest set of feelings I have felt. I was nervous, excited, sad, happy and sooo much more. I was nervous if I would be able to survive the afternoon making conversation with his family sounding sweet, intelligent and courteous. I was excited to meet his family. I had played the afternoon a hundred times in my head and practised what I'd say, how I'd walk, how I'd smile and all of that. The sad and happy worked like a see-saw. When Acchamma said she was delighted to see me in a sari I was happy. When I was made to sit with the women, I felt old and mature which made me sad. When I saw the appreciative glances though the corner of my eye, I was happy. When I realised that this would be my new home...far away from my little sister and Misha I was sad. When uncle asked me to stay a little longer as he wanted me to meet another cousin I was happy. When through the afternoon I moved from fiancee to to be daughter-in-law to our daughter-in-law I was sad. I still have 5 months to go. But that afternoon made me just want to run to my parents hold them really tight and not let go. I wanted to be just their girl again. I wanted to be appa's spoilt brat whose smooth talk always works...and amma's friend as we clear the table after lunch...fight with appa to watch MTV instead of CNBC...yell at amma because she just told me that story for the 4th time this holiday...annoy appa with details of my latest crush...have amma nag me about not studying... The list is endless...I just don't want to be alone...

Wakey! Wakey!

2008-07-11T09:56:00.005+05:30

It's 700Hrs...the alarm on my cell goes off. Nowadays it has been set to 'You & Me' by Lifehouse. I open my eyes...look at my blue ceiling...feels nice. I groggily get off my bed...drag myself to the bathroom ...turn on the heater...and then drag myself back to bed. This time I pull my comforter over my head to make sure no light reaches me. It's 730Hrs...my 2nd alarm goes off...'Clocks' by Coldplay plays. I shut it off and starting thinking about getting up after my 3rd alarm to exercise. It's 745Hrs...now my 3rd alarm goes off...again 'Clocks; by Coldplay plays. This time I snooze it. i am still thinking for getting up to exercise. I am serious about exercising...I mean I even downloaded Shilpa's Yoga online. There is also this other book I have on a 20 minute exercise routine...so now which one do I do? The alarm goes off again...it's almost 800Hrs. Great! Now it is late...I can not exercise...I might as well snooze a bit more...at least get some sleep...so that I don't look drained out at work. And also I seem to be getting bags under my eyes now...I think I should sleep more. Beauty Sleep...that's what I need. I wake up with a start...it's 815Hrs. Whoa! I am late for work now. I jump out of bed. The heater has been on way too long now. I make up bed...go to the bathroom...hurriedly brush my teeth...have a bath...I am out in ten minutes. It's 830Hrs. A quick prayer...and then the moisturizing routine. It's 838Hrs. Okies! I just put on something black. Get into a pair of jeans. Rush to the kitchen. Pour myself a glass of cold milk. That's all the breakfast I have time for. It's 850Hrs. Back into my room. Quickly pack my bag for work. House keys. Check. Lip balm. Check. Jacket. Check. MP3 player. Check. It's 855Hrs. I am walking towards the door...digging through my bag for the scooter keys. Darn! I have left that on my bed. Run back to my room. Scooter keys. Check. I am at the door...reach for my cell to check the time. Arrgghhh!! My cell's in the room. Dash to my room. Cell's on the side table...still charging. I unplug it and walk briskly to the door. It's 904Hrs. I call the lift. As it comes up to the 7th floor, I put on my jacket and plug my MP3 player. Get into the lift...look at myself in the mirror. Hair's in place. Check. Feeling good. Check. It's 907Hrs. On my scooter...off to work...and I am thinking - tomorrow I will start exercising...for sure. All I have to do is wake up at 0700Hrs.

Do You Understand?

2008-06-20T00:06:00.004+05:30

I was on a low day today. Work and some other stuff just bogging me down. So as the day comes to an end I wait for his call. It is always nice to hear his voice when I am upset...and I want to talk to him...tell him what I am going through...coz I know he'll understand. That's where I made the mistake. He is not a phone kinda guy...but well I know - coz he has told me - that he calls every day as I like talking. But I guess he'd like to keep most phone conversations to a 'hey, how've you been?' or 'how was work?' or just the plain and simple I love you's and I miss you's. The problem is for his questions he expects answers like 'great!', 'not so good' or even better 'I am tired...want to hit the sack'. The last reply means the call is going to end like now. But my responses to his questions are usually detailed - stuff from work and home and all the other things from my usually uneventful day. So he starts listening and then moves over to hearing and then goes on to watch TV with a regular 'hmmm' or 'ok'...you know the neutral responses. Coming to the call today...I was low and I wanted to talk about it...and the nice guy that he is...he let me. And then after venting out...I was like 'Do you understand?'. Now that is something a girl should never ask a guy. The plain fact is girls do not understand guys and vice versa. Last evening I was watching this TV show 'Rules of Engagement'...and there too the wife wants her husband to understand her...but 20 minutes into the show you know that he will never understand her and like the husband says she never understands that he doesn't understand. Now despite all this wisdom...I wonder why do I go back and ask him 'Do you understand?' coz I know the response is always 'I do - you were saying blah blah blah' where he just re-narrates all that I have told him. Yes, I must give that to him...he knows what I am talking about (I have heard men usually have no clue about that either). But there hardly ever is a response, reaction or even better a solution. That is what I always feel. But the truth is there is always a response - 'ok', a reaction - 'cool/cheer up' depending on the whining and a solution - 'ignore it'. However, as a woman I am not satisfied with these. Not coz I didn't get a response, reaction or solution...but just coz I didn't get the response, reaction or solution that I expected. Which basically means...that I already know my problem...what I need to do and how I am going to go about doing it. Yet there is some kind of validation I seek from him...which I never get. The thing is I get the response, reaction and solution I expect from my girlfriends. And we do a great job of figuring things out...largely coz we understand each other and we think alike. Still I hope and I wish that he understands me...says all the right things...and listens to me. Which basically means that I do not understand him...coz him not understanding me is just how it is going to be most of the time. Which means we both may not ever understand each other...yet we decide to spend our lives together...do you understand? I am waiting for the response, reaction and solution...

Revamped

2008-06-18T18:19:00.009+05:30

I am not really sure how much revamping my page affects people...but well I am quite thrilled about it. I hope that this enthusiasm translates to more regular posts. It's just that I don't think I am a great writer...or a funny one...or that I have anything important to say. Yet, I'd like to share my thoughts and have people read what I have to say and well maybe have their reactions to it. Plus quite a lot has been happening in my life. I have been working almost a year in a media agency...and I really like my job. My client...well let me not get into that. Simply said I have the same feelings many of us agency types have for the client types. And on the personal front I am getting married in 6 months. Ah! Now you know why I have a lot happening in my life. I met my fiancé when I was studying 3 years ago. We have been dating for almost all of those 3 years minus the initial 3 months. I think we spent most of that time handling our now exes. Dating was a bumpy ride at the start...but when we survived that I knew this was going to have a happy ending. We spoke seriously about marriage a year back...and it was only in April this year that we went ahead and got our parents involved. Surprisingly getting married didn't really seem like a big deal when it was just the 2 of us...but today things are different...verrry different. A wedding I have come to realise is not about the 2 people who from then on will spend their lives together...there are at least 3 generations who jump in and make important decisions about your day! I consider myself lucky as most of my requests have been fulfilled...but yes every request had to be carefully made and arguments in support of the request thoughtfully planned. I have 6 months to go...and from what I have heard it is one helluva ride...and I am guessing that means lots of roller-coastering!

All In A Name

2007-09-07T13:21:00.004+05:30

It's been ten days since my first post. In the time that has passed I have been very occupied trying to find a better name for my blog (the one now was a result of a numb brain). With this new name I believe I am communicating a lot about me, my personality, my interests, what I'll blog about, etc etc. So yeah I want to sound funny, intelligent and unique - all at once. Frankly, I think I am all of that (and more). But after a lot of thought and intense analysis (I am not kidding...it has been intense...I have stopped work to chat with friends for their opinions) I came up with zilch. It all began with a friend saying Pa-tee-do Pa-taa-do sounds like give me a husband and get me his address. No no! Not in English...in Hindi. Ah! Now you get it. It struck me too only after his unusual observation. Why I chose this particular set of words (if you want to call it that) I have no idea. And the friend's post made me think that well maybe I should change the name of my blog. I started the search. First, I thought of names with words from French but they sounded pretentious. I then used the thesaurus to make crazy combinations of words like vistas of the bygones (uh...what?!?), blab (that is what I am doing now), mind map (from B-school) and yes many many other duds! Then my friend suggested that I should go with something filmy coz I love Bollywood. I liked the idea. It was me...I love Bollywood...their movies and their music and their stories and their drama. Yeah...made me feel like I was on the right track now. And that is where I have reached. I have some really filmy and extremely corny names shortlisted...all I have to do is decide. Now that may take another ten days. So till then I'll leave you with a thought I read on a bike sticker. Very deep. Here goes. Surf your inner net than the internet - Baba.

Rakhi - The Solution to Many Woes

2007-08-28T11:00:00.002+05:30

If we were playing Word Association then Rakhi today would get responses like Sawant or Mika or Botox (kyunki jo bhagawan nahin detha woh doctor de saktha hai). But well...I don't want to talk about the much talked about Rakhi Sawant. Today is Rakshabandhan and we all know what that is so I can skip the details. I don't have brothers. There are cousins...many of them...some I even forget exist...but well I think you know why I am not tying the rakhi to any of them! I did go through this stupid phase in high school...when I was a part of a bunch of girls who thought the boys in class were our brothers (yesss they were butt ugly). So yeah I joined the bandwagon...tied the rakhi...got some cheap nothings...and well once out of high school I lost touch with all my 'bhaiyas'. This festival is supposed to be like the 'moment' a brother and sister share every year...emotions r usually running high...promises are made...blessings and gifts are exchanged. All in all the Indian 'Brother-Sister Day'. But, I wonder has the festival to many lost meaning. I was 13 when I went through the rakhi phase in high school...and yes an honest confession I was stupider than most 13-year olds. Tying rakhi didn't really hold any sentiment or value in my head. Thank God, that changed. Sadly, many Indians still do not see what the rakhi stands for. I have seen girls using rakhi to get rid off boys in love with them, to stop rumours about them and their best 'boy' friend and even for reasons as shallow as 'his gifts are good'!! But all that was in school and college. Today I am 25 and I thought it was the end of me witnessing the rakhi being abused. But seems not. Girls...sorry women still seem to take the rakhi lightly. Today two women at work decided that a senior colleague is their 'bhaiya'. So began the whole drama of the rakhi, the snaps, the hugs...and yes the 'fake emotions'. As the whole 'performance' was put up I wondered...what does the rakhi and rakshabandhan really signify today? Is it how you shun overtures of affection or a quick-fix solution so that hanging out with the opposite sex doesn’t make so many tongues wag or a way to choose your 'bhaiyas' so that the returns are always high?