To Be With The One You Love

My life at every stage has been planned...planning trips, planning dinners out, planning weekends. And I like to do this way ahead of the actual event. So, it is but natural that last year when in August he proposed I started my research and planning for my wedding. I read articles in Cosmo about best wedding locales in India. Kerela and Goa emerged with many many options...but when I discussed it with ma...she said it didn't make sense. We'd have to pay for every one's travel and stay...and our 'everyone' is a large number. That is when I first realised my wedding was not going to be my ideal wedding. 


What is my ideal wedding?!? Well, I always wanted a temple wedding...in a heritage temple...like the ones in Bellur and Hallebidu. I saw these temples when I was 10 years old...and though I deny dreaming about and planning my wedding since then, I think somewhere deep down I saw myself being married there. A traditional wedding...a small number of people...just the close ones...who mattered to me and for whom my wedding was a priority not just curiosity. 


To cut down the travel and the trouble people who come from outside Bengaluru have to take I then decided that I will find a place that resembles my picture of my ideal wedding. So the hunt began and I was left with 2 options - Villa Potipatti in Malleshwaram and Ganjam Mantapa in Basavangudi. South Bangalore made sense to us and Ganjam...hmmm...it is a beautiful home...ethnic and so Indian. Unlike many other halls in the city which translate grand to chandeliers, red carpets, AC and all things that according to me are just gaudy. Also, Ganjam accommodates 400 people when compared to Villa Potipatti which has place for just 100...obviously that meant many of my 'everyone' would not have made it to my list. 


So in April when my wedding was fixed the first thing I did was call Ganjam Mantapa (yes, I already had their number) and reserve the place for 21st December. Within hours of finalizing the guest list I went ahead and booked Ganjam. This was the only thing I wanted for my wedding. No jewellery, no clothes, nothing plush and fancy....just plain, simple Indian. I remember telling my sister, I will choose my battles. Once I got Ganjam I was willing to give into everything - what I had to wear, number of poojas, number of events. All of it was worth it, because Ganjam made my wedding as close to ideal as possible in Bengaluru. 


He loved the place too...we had already made a trip there way back in January and were delighted at the thought of getting married in such a quaint home. It just added so much ground to our marriage. But like I have said before...once the parents get involved you are pretty much left with zilch. 


By the day the guest list kept increasing. My parents are very social people and I have liked that about them. But then they never know when to draw the line...so 200 became 250 and then 300. Slowly I was pushing my friends into different events to keep the guest list within 400. The truth that this wedding is ours not yours, just yours to give us is something parents never get. It is always their wedding for them with their kids in it...doing exactly what they want. As you must have guessed...we are no longer saying our vows at Ganjam. Now it will be in a red carpeted, bulb-filled, white walled, air conditioned hall in front of 200 friends and 400 strangers. My parents expect me to be happy with the decision as it was long coming. But the planner that I am I take offense when my plans are run over with least regard to my dreams and feelings. Our parents don't want to hurt their acquaintances by not allowing them to participate in our wedding...but well they are completely willing to consciously bypass our wishes and carry on with their changed agendas expecting us to trod along with enthusiasm as they love us and always want the best for us. 


The past two days, we have spoken to each other, tried to see if we could make our parents change their decisions and finally after failing consoled each other. And it is when he was consoling me he said the sweetest thing - I really like Ganjam...I like it even more because you like it. Those words just made me fall in love with him all over again. This man gives me hope - hope that he will stand by me and will never intentionally hurt my feelings or disregard my wishes. And if he ever does, I guess he will at least have the right things to say. So I guess though my wedding isn't ideal or even close to ideal...I am just glad it is with the man I love...because well, even that could have been changed!

I Don't Want to be Alone!!

So last Saturday was the Grihapravesh - my first 'family' do. The plan was that I attend this event with my fiance...but as IMRB would have it...he could not make it to town...instead he was tied down all weekend with work. 

Going alone was a scary thought। Was hoping my sister would accompany me...but well she would join me only after class. So there I was stranded...on my own...with no one seeing my point of view. Yes, I know the family. Yes, they are sweet people. But I didn't want to be alone! With no choice left, I started the 19th of July at 7 a.m.. 

There was no power...so I could not turn the heater on. I started my Yoga workout (yes, I have been doing it for over a week now), but was restless and didn't complete it. Then I drove down to to give my bike for service - I really wonder why I chose this day. When I reached there I realised I had forgotten my service voucher. Somehow managed to get things done and rushed home... Still no power. So I just got into a cold shower.

I was going to wear a sari. I put on my jewellery first and then moved on to my make up and finally the sari. Now, I have been draping the sari with no help for the past 3 years...but as luck would have it I tried 4 times that day and it just looked awful. My eyes started welling up...I had to think of something. It was already 10 a.m. and I had to leave soon. I finally went to my neighbour and asked aunty to help me with the pleats. Luckily this time I had everything I needed for the visit packed in my small bag...so there were no million trips between the door and my room. 

I drove to their house. The house is way out of the city...but as the traffic was thin I got there in good time. Mentus came down to receive me. It was great to see him after over 3 months. As the elevator landed on the mezzanine floor I could feel my heart pounding. I walked with him to the house...and in the veranda I could see a pair of eyes looking at me with curiosity (later I was introduced to my fiance's grandaunt). Everyone was thrilled to have me there. Aunty introduced me to the family that was already there and then showed me around the house. Aunty spoke about everything she was going to do to get the house ready (for us to live in). I was hoping to get time with Mentus...but well I ended up with all the ladies in the living room...talking about work...commuting to work...where did we meet...my skin...ya da ya da ya da. Yes, the family is sweet. Yes, the family is simple. Yes, the family spoke in English more than Malayalam. Yes, they made me comfortable. Yes, they didn't stare at me too much. But I didn't want to be alone!! As more of the family walked in and out...I was introduced by my name...as their son's fiancee...as their to be daughter-in-law and finally as their daughter-in-law. 

It is the strangest set of feelings I have felt. I was nervous, excited, sad, happy and sooo much more. I was nervous if I would be able to survive the afternoon making conversation with his family sounding sweet, intelligent and courteous. I was excited to meet his family. I had played the afternoon a hundred times in my head and practised what I'd say, how I'd walk, how I'd smile and all of that. 

The sad and happy worked like a see-saw. When Acchamma said she was delighted to see me in a sari I was happy. When I was made to sit with the women, I felt old and mature which made me sad. When I saw the appreciative glances though the corner of my eye, I was happy. When I realised that this would be my new home...far away from my little sister and Misha I was sad. 

When uncle asked me to stay a little longer as he wanted me to meet another cousin I was happy. When through the afternoon I moved from fiancee to to be daughter-in-law to our daughter-in-law I was sad. I still have 5 months to go. But that afternoon made me just want to run to my parents hold them really tight and not let go. 

I wanted to be just their girl again. I wanted to be appa's spoilt brat whose smooth talk always works...and amma's friend as we clear the table after lunch...fight with appa to watch MTV instead of CNBC...yell at amma because she just told me that story for the 4th time this holiday...annoy appa with details of my latest crush...have amma nag me about not studying... The list is endless...I just don't want to be alone...

Wakey! Wakey!

It's 700Hrs...the alarm on my cell goes off. Nowadays it has been set to 'You & Me' by Lifehouse. I open my eyes...look at my blue ceiling...feels nice. I groggily get off my bed...drag myself to the bathroom ...turn on the heater...and then drag myself back to bed. This time I pull my comforter over my head to make sure no light reaches me. It's 730Hrs...my 2nd alarm goes off...'Clocks' by Coldplay plays. I shut it off and starting thinking about getting up after my 3rd alarm to exercise. It's 745Hrs...now my 3rd alarm goes off...again 'Clocks; by Coldplay plays. This time I snooze it. i am still thinking for getting up to exercise. I am serious about exercising...I mean I even downloaded Shilpa's Yoga online. There is also this other book I have on a 20 minute exercise routine...so now which one do I do? The alarm goes off again...it's almost 800Hrs. Great! Now it is late...I can not exercise...I might as well snooze a bit more...at least get some sleep...so that I don't look drained out at work. And also I seem to be getting bags under my eyes now...I think I should sleep more. Beauty Sleep...that's what I need. I wake up with a start...it's 815Hrs. Whoa! I am late for work now. I jump out of bed. The heater has been on way too long now. I make up bed...go to the bathroom...hurriedly brush my teeth...have a bath...I am out in ten minutes. It's 830Hrs. A quick prayer...and then the moisturizing routine. It's 838Hrs. Okies! I just put on something black. Get into a pair of jeans. Rush to the kitchen. Pour myself a glass of cold milk. That's all the breakfast I have time for. It's 850Hrs. Back into my room. Quickly pack my bag for work. House keys. Check. Lip balm. Check. Jacket. Check. MP3 player. Check. It's 855Hrs. I am walking towards the door...digging through my bag for the scooter keys. Darn! I have left that on my bed. Run back to my room. Scooter keys. Check. I am at the door...reach for my cell to check the time. Arrgghhh!! My cell's in the room. Dash to my room. Cell's on the side table...still charging. I unplug it and walk briskly to the door. It's 904Hrs. I call the lift. As it comes up to the 7th floor, I put on my jacket and plug my MP3 player. Get into the lift...look at myself in the mirror. Hair's in place. Check. Feeling good. Check. It's 907Hrs. On my scooter...off to work...and I am thinking - tomorrow I will start exercising...for sure. All I have to do is wake up at 0700Hrs.