Where Is The Romance?

I wonder sometimes - where is the romance today? You must think it is weird that a week away from my D-Day I should be the one to believe in romance. But sadly I don’t. So then what about love? Well, I believe in love…I think love has survived these times. As the D-day inched closer, I always thought that the romance that once existed would somehow reappear. I remember when we started dating he was so romantic. 

He was the first to tell me the 3 words…and repeat it a million times after…every time assuring me that I could take my time to reciprocate. And I did just that and basked in all the attention. He told me how I was ‘The One’...how I was so woman and just how well we fit. I know we were younger then…it was all new…and we were in love. But the love still exists…the love way more than then. He has been my strength in many situations and I hope I have been the same in his life. But then as I wait for him to call and tell me sweet nothings…or plan a romantic date…or at least spend time with me over the weekend…or try not to meet me for 2 hours in a whole week…I am forced to believe that somewhere down the 3 years the romance ceased to exist. These times are hard to survive…sadly work seems to take most part of our week and many times his weekends as well. Distances are larger…ambitions are higher…and the journey is more a struggle which just manages time for companionship and a little love…but the romance has not survived this journey.

Every time he cancels on me…or changes the plan (which really pisses me off) I am expected to understand, be supportive and just relax. So I do give it a shot…but don’t last more than 2 weeks. He says there is no expiry date for being there for him…and that it is not a barter system that at the end of it I will get something. I wonder how his friends, family, colleagues and everyone else except me would have reacted if they had been stood up so many times and could he have asked them to just be there for him without any expectations without their patience wearing out? This is probably a question for which I will never get an answer…but I still wonder… Every time I complain or as he would put it nag, he tells me that this is the way of life today…that it is impractical for him to plan something after 9 in the night…that I am being immature…and that no one has such a rocking life. And I don’t see how what I am doing is wrong…what is wrong in being impractical, immature and dreaming of a rocking life at times? 

Romance is the result of these ways which most people scorn at… The popular belief is that romance is a girl thing…that begin romantic makes a man more of a wuss, less macho and more hen-pecked. But as we put up with so many of your guy things I think men should entertain some girl things as well and trust me there is a lot of gaining for the men too! To put it simply, men need to realize that all the romance in the first 3 months of a relationship is what makes the woman want to be with them…and if occasionally romance could sneak up the walk down memory lane could be very rewarding!

When Terror Strikes We Need to Strike Back

The attacks in Mumbai on 26th November need no introduction. They made front page news all across the globe...unlike the many many other terror attacks India has more than often been a victim to. Indians have died on trains, in markets, while watching movies, in hospitals, on the road and pretty much any place imaginable. 26th of November was not the first time Indians were attacked, or our security was questioned. Yet, there was something different this time. I think it was the magnitude of the attack...and like on a show Simi said the audacity of the terrorists...the targets chosen...it was not just the aam junta this time. 

Indians have for a change reacted strongly about this event...and questioned their leaders...leaders who said aise bade sheharon mein aise choti baatein hoti hain...leaders who make the visit to the attack sites look like an excursion with an actor son and his director friend tagging along...leaders who at every chance try to divide us based on caste, religion and region...leaders who have security every step of their life...and this security extends to their family as well...leaders who have never been able to unite to fight terrorism... Don't pay your taxes some said...vote for better leaders others said...stay out of this we will deal with it many said...unite at least now Indians asked... 

It has been over a week...and what has happened? Many peace marches have been held in cities across India...something I think became a fad after RDB. Ministers have resigned and been replaced (there are still quarrels with other ministers not happy with the replacements). Speculation of the operations conducted and India's way ahead have been discussed on many news channels by different panelists like Mahesh Bhatt...and basically anyone who is willing to talk. India has blamed terror groups in Pakistan and Pakistan has asked India to get over their Pakistan Obsession. Ms. Rice has flown down to India and Pakistan to help us sort issues. And hopefully today after 60 years of independence and maybe at least 2 decades of terror attacks...most of which are still unsolved with criminals gallivanting all over the world...India has decided to come with an agency like the FBI. Life goes on...hopefully in the direction to achieve something concrete...and to punish people who were involved in terror attacks in India. But when I think about those 3 horrifying days...of all the helpless families and friends of the even more helpless people stuck in the 2 hotels...I wonder...so much loss...for what? This is a war for a cause we don't understand. 

We'd like to believe it is a Muslim thing...but many Muslims don't understand the cause either. And I don't understand what was achieved at the end of this... Couples who went for a quiet dinner at some of the best restaurants in the world lost their spouses...or left their children orphaned...as the GM of Taj helped his guests...his wife must have looked helplessly as she saw the fire engulf her home and knew she would not be able to save her children...and one of the sadder stories of a Muslim home destroyed with all the bread winners dying at the CST... The pathos of these events definitely scarred me...and terrified many Indians. Indians feel unsafe and are scared for the lives of their loved ones. 

The hijack threats that came in within a week of the Mumbai attacks frightened Indians all the more. I believe there were sms's in Bangalore saying malls have received terror attack threats. Many friends of mine think it is better to be safe. So why use domestic flights...why go to malls...why watch movies? There are discussions of war with Pakistan...taking out the terror camps where these men were trained. But I think the most important thing when striking back is to not be afraid...is to not let these groups to make us stop living our lives. We need to be stronger...we need to stop panicking...we need to stop thriving on fear... This attack has to bring more progressive change...and fear is regressive...that is the last thing India wants today. Finally I salute all those brave men who fought the terrorists...and not just the ones from the police or NSG...even the ones trapped, held as hostages...survived or lost their lives. They are all heroes...

Six Months To Six Weeks

I think my post in June this year spoke about me having 6 months to go before D-Day. Well, now I have 6 weeks...and I am trying to figure how that feels... And as I figure that...I keep going through the last 3 years with him in my head...the first time we spoke...hanging out together - initially in a group and then just the two of us...the whole 'I like him, but what the hell is he thinking?' phase... 

As I ponder, I remember some moments which had slipped my mind over the last 3 years... Like there was that time when a bunch of us were planning to go out to Kiva...and I had asked him to join us...but well he had plans. I remember that I was a wee bit disappointed...something that I chose to ignore then. 

Anyways we carried on with your plans and landed at Kiva...only to find the place filled with people and no tables for us. After a lot of discussion we decided to head to Thousand Oaks...now I had no idea his plans were at Thousand Oaks... I still remember how delighted I was to see him...think it was his friend's birthday and he sneaked me a piece of chocolate cake...hehehe! He also offered me a ride home...and I just wanted to say yes...but well I didn't want to be rude to the guy who had driven us there in the first place... This is just one of those times... 

Today to think of those days and now...makes me go - Wow! We have come a long way...from all the blushing and gushing to the arguments and the adjustments...from me telling him to plan a surprise for our anniversary to him planning an evening at the Taj with lilies and cake...

A Few Glances, A Few Smiles And Three Conversations

This is a story I never thought I'd tell...but 7 years have gone and still the memory brings warmth, smiles and tears. I was 19...in college...studying something I'd never use again in my life whilst making friends and memories I'd treasure forever.

Life was complicated...from a 19-year old's point of view that is. Apart from doing a course I hated...college for me was more like high school - so many friend-issues, popularity-issues, boy-issues and so on and so forth. But I think the boy-issues are what I treasure the most.

Back then I think 'falling in love' was something that happened so easily. Embarrassing as it is today...I did 'fall in love' many times. Why do I put it in quotes? Well, most of my love stories were filled with many accidental bump-ins, lots of knowing smiles, a few awkward conversations and then I'd realize it wasn't love.

And so 7 years back...my heart fluttered again...this time it was the captain of the basket ball team (I think he held that position). It started with a glance as I dropped my friend Kenz off at the library (a place I never ventured into unless I was looking for one of my studious friends)...and there he was waiting for Kenz. It was just one glance and I still remember the rush I felt...and I knew he felt it too.

I am so sure he felt it coz the next day Kenz was like - What did you do? He wants me to introduce you to him. Ah!! I was sooo delighted that day. Yeah I did put it off for a while...you know was trying to show I was not desperate to meet him. Old school tricks worked in Mysore...so I just stuck to many many more glance and smile exchanges between us...I wonder today why we never just walked up and introduced ourselves...

Finally a few days after my 19th birthday I told Kenz that his friend is always looking at me and trying to smile so maybe he should just introduce us...like I was doing the boy a favor! After that, I remember how everyday I'd take extra care to dress up to college...and the funny thing is I got introduced when I was in college for an hour in an ugly green tee! He wanted me to join him for some party for all the Bangaloreans in college...when I told him I am not a Banglorean...his reply was we are allowed to get friends. Probably the worst way to cover up asking a girl on a date...but it worked and I was thrilled. That was conversation number 1.

That party never happened...but we now said hi to each other. For the chatterbox that I am I wonder why we hardly spoke to each other. Well, I guess you could blame the exams in August and the semester break in September. We did talk on the last day of our exams...about the exams...plans for the break...and the other stuff is a blur. But I remember him sitting on his YBX...and me standing smiling trying to look all confident but all melted inside. That was conversation number 2.

I gushed about him all through my break...I told my folks, my grandparents, my sister and Shrootha...it was the most romantic of my love stories...and I was waiting for semester 5 to begin. Shrootha had told me to talk to him and not just hi and smile like a goofy. So I was all pumped up to take this to the next step - Hi! How are you?

Semester 5 was no different...every time I ran into him I was in a rush...to get into class or mostly to get out of it. Or I was with Krip trying to sort out his girlfriend-issues. This whole thing was moving at a snail's pace...and I was funnily still super excited.

And finally 23rd October, 2001.

I had finished my labs in the morning...and for some weird reason could not find any of my friends to have lunch with. So as I wandered aimlessly in our basement canteen...I saw him...and I just knew that we would have our conversation number 3.

We spoke and spoke and spoke...I remember his friends grinning on the side and walking and some more cocky ones actually winking, slapping him on his back. He got me a mazaa from our canteen and we just talked...about where we are from, where we live, what we like, family, school, college, the course...oblivious to everyone around...I was soooo happy...I just didn't want lunch break to end. I remember Sajjad (a classmate) trying to be the third participant in the conversation...and just not leaving...but I think we were very cold and he left in 5 minutes...7 years later I still smile and go a little pink in my cheeks when I remember that day...

He asked me to join him on the train the next day to Bangalore as both of us were headed there...he for the long Dasara weekend...and me for my cousin's wedding...I just wanted to say yesss...but I was sticking to my old school tricks...so I declined and said that we'd catch up when we get back...

That evening I got back home and was flying...felt so light...felt so happy...felt exhilarated...and I can today say that it was one of the happiest days of my life.

When I got back on the 29th I remember talking to Krip who was advising me not to waste anymore time and then Kenz called and was like why didn't you come to college today? He was looking for you.

So obviously on the 30th I spent close to an hour getting ready...I had to look great...it was a BIG day! And I did look pretty...in my lucky white chudidhaar with pink flowers...it made me look elegant. I got to lab...it was a week since the 23rd and I was just waiting to get my outputs and leave...meet him at the canteen...and buy him something this time...

I was telling my lab-mate all this...when they made the announcement that just changed everything...I felt like something really heavy come down upon me...I could not stand and everything around seemed to be going in circles...my eyes just welled up...but my head kept telling me not to believe what I had just heard...

And just like that in a few seconds my love story came to an end...

I was rushed out of the lab by Manasa and Kenz and we went to the hospital. I remember Prashanth, his good friend, telling Manasa to take me back. I never saw him...I could not get myself to do that...

I went back to college...to the canteen...and wept and wept and wept...I could not stop...I could not control my emotions...I could not move. Finally when Krip got there, I hugged him and sobbed. He took me home...and I lay in bed all day...crying...I cried very long...many days...many weeks...many months.

The loss was too much for me to handle...and I think somewhere down the line I had fallen in love with him over the 6 months of glances, smiles and the 3 conversations...

The thought of that day makes me weep even today...and the thought of our conversation number 3 makes me blush even today...

A Vacation of Many Firsts

I am back from my last trip home before the wedding. This holiday promised to be quite high on emotion - you know the whole I am getting married and I have grown up and I will be someone's wife and I will be part of a new family. All the traditional thoughts that go through a girl's head before D-Day. But things took quite a drastic turn...and I had a very high dosage of emotions this time round. 

A day before I landed in Muscat, Appa had a heart attack. Amma kept the news from me till 3 hours before I boarded the flight. I don't think I reacted to the news...ever. I mean, I just didn't know how to react and maybe by the time I had digested the news there was so much to do...that there was no time to react. Walking out of the airport and seeing appa and amma's excited faces has always given me a thrill. In fact I have taken extra care to what I wear and how I look despite odd flight timings. Everytime I land appa hugs me and says You've lost weight :) I must tell you that appa and ajji are probably the only people who feel that...I always tell appa not to be loud coz anyone around will definitely not think of me as slim girl. This was the first time in the last 15 years that appa was not at the airport to receive me. 

Ma was there with friends...but appa missing really tugged at my heart. That was the first change. Ma and I chatted on our way home...I asked how all this happened. It was a very normal conversation...no one was emotional...just dealing with the situation. We got home, rested and then after a couple of phone calls from friends who had heard about appa, ma and I left for the hospital. 

Appa has been in hospitals before...but funnily I have never seen him in one. Appa was in the ICU when I first met him...he looked happy. He was definitely enjoying all the attention everyone was showering him with...but this had certainly rattled him. Ma was her usual calm self...more focussed on what to do and how to do it. The first week of my vacation was largely spent at the hospital. 

Once appa came home things were much better. It was the first time I had spent so much time with appa as he was under complete rest - no office, no evening walks and no socializing. While appa was under complete rest, amma was fulfilling her duties by being Super Mom. Along with managing the home, appa's health and diet, amma was single handedly driving me around town from malls to tailors to the spa and the souq. I knew she was tired...but she wanted to ensure that I had got most of my shopping done and that at the end of it I had a good holiday. 

The Gowri pooje was the highlight of the holiday. Amma managed to organize a get together in 2 days. We about 20 odd friends visit us that day - some old and many new. For a change I was showered with all the bride-to-be attention...and I quite enjoyed myself. My last Gowri pooje at home before the wedding...the reason for me planning my trip at this time of the year. 

The last 2 nights, we also went out to Kargeen and Pavoreal for dinner. My holidays home are never complete without trips to these restaurants. Poor appa sat most of the evening without eating at all...quite a tough task for a foodie like him. Saying goodbye was the hardest. I just didn't want to leave them this time. 

It was the first time in many years that I cried at the airport...something I didn't do even when I was 12. I guess that was the first time I reacted...

Getting married, for reasons I do not know, is always an emotional phase for a girl. I knew that my life in these months would change and I'd be running through so many feelings and emotions. So yes in a way I was prepared...but when you see the first man in your life down...there is something that is scary and unsettling about it. Then when your mother is being strong for you and him and her parents...not once saying what she is going through with complete honesty...you see who you will have to be in the future...which now doesn't seem very far. 

My holiday wasn't the joy ride I had expected it to be. But despite the drastic turn of events, just the time with appa amma was worth all the change of plans which I never take too well to. I will cherish the time spent watching movies with appa, the visit to the spa with amma and the last day when appa amma helped me pick up my lehenga for my wedding reception...I guess a trip home is always great...no matter what...

Third Time Lucky

Before I start, let me tell you that I am getting married in Ganjam. How did this miraculous changes happen? Well, I am just happy with the result and think analysing it is just joy-kill. Guess now all my ranting seems silly...but I must say it is the best one I have written so far.

When I heard about this probable change of venue I was on a holiday...a weekend getaway with my girlfriends. Before this news I had planned to get back and write about my trip. But well, emotions took over...

So this is a long pending blog.

Harpreet and Adi from work and I have been planning a trip for the longest time now. The 1st trip we planned was to Goa way back in March. I don't want to get into the details but we didn't go despite having rooms booked and a return ticket. Just unfortunate circumstances and awful luck.

Then in May, the three of us were super kicked because we had discovered Tiger Airways. Our trip to Singapore was going to be very cheap. But then the weekend we were planning to go ended up being the one hosting the F1 night race or something. So we didn't find a place to stay. This plan went down the drain too.

Finally in July, we decided to go Hampi. Amma had been earlier in July...it looked like a beautiful place...and it was easy to travel to.

We planned to take a night train to Hospet on 25-Jul...the same day Bengaluru was rattled by a few blasts which caused some amount of panic and the unfortunate demise of one woman...unfortunate as these bombs were meant to scare not kill.

Anyways this just made the three of us feel third time unlucky...guess the girl trip before my wedding was something that was not going to happen.

But after some thought and talk...we decided to go. Probably one of the wisest decisions I have made in recent times. Harpreet, Adi and I had a blast. It was my first girl trip and theirs too...and we realised how much fun going without the boys is.

Hampi is a beautiful city...and to our luck the weather was brilliant...and our guide Hussain was quite a darling. We listened intently and asked him many questions and with our journey included him in our giggles and crazy girlie talk. We posed as dancers in the ruined temples and as models in the dark stairways...memories I will cherish always.

Harpreet & Adi are new friends...but very dear...and super important for the success of every Girl-Fun I am ticking off on my To-Do list before the wedding.

The best part of thr trip was this crazy video we took...messages to our future husbands and kids. Guess that is something you could never do with the boys...

Though we are independant women...and enjoy being single. Somewhere we look forward to husbands, children and families. And soon like our mothers did we will make these our priorities too...but I hope that unlike our mothers we do not forget the girls we were and the women we are. Maybe just once in a while slipping back to the Harpreet, Adi and Vibha that we were at Hampi that weekend would not be such a bad idea!

To Be With The One You Love

My life at every stage has been planned...planning trips, planning dinners out, planning weekends. And I like to do this way ahead of the actual event. So, it is but natural that last year when in August he proposed I started my research and planning for my wedding. I read articles in Cosmo about best wedding locales in India. Kerela and Goa emerged with many many options...but when I discussed it with ma...she said it didn't make sense. We'd have to pay for every one's travel and stay...and our 'everyone' is a large number. That is when I first realised my wedding was not going to be my ideal wedding. 


What is my ideal wedding?!? Well, I always wanted a temple wedding...in a heritage temple...like the ones in Bellur and Hallebidu. I saw these temples when I was 10 years old...and though I deny dreaming about and planning my wedding since then, I think somewhere deep down I saw myself being married there. A traditional wedding...a small number of people...just the close ones...who mattered to me and for whom my wedding was a priority not just curiosity. 


To cut down the travel and the trouble people who come from outside Bengaluru have to take I then decided that I will find a place that resembles my picture of my ideal wedding. So the hunt began and I was left with 2 options - Villa Potipatti in Malleshwaram and Ganjam Mantapa in Basavangudi. South Bangalore made sense to us and Ganjam...hmmm...it is a beautiful home...ethnic and so Indian. Unlike many other halls in the city which translate grand to chandeliers, red carpets, AC and all things that according to me are just gaudy. Also, Ganjam accommodates 400 people when compared to Villa Potipatti which has place for just 100...obviously that meant many of my 'everyone' would not have made it to my list. 


So in April when my wedding was fixed the first thing I did was call Ganjam Mantapa (yes, I already had their number) and reserve the place for 21st December. Within hours of finalizing the guest list I went ahead and booked Ganjam. This was the only thing I wanted for my wedding. No jewellery, no clothes, nothing plush and fancy....just plain, simple Indian. I remember telling my sister, I will choose my battles. Once I got Ganjam I was willing to give into everything - what I had to wear, number of poojas, number of events. All of it was worth it, because Ganjam made my wedding as close to ideal as possible in Bengaluru. 


He loved the place too...we had already made a trip there way back in January and were delighted at the thought of getting married in such a quaint home. It just added so much ground to our marriage. But like I have said before...once the parents get involved you are pretty much left with zilch. 


By the day the guest list kept increasing. My parents are very social people and I have liked that about them. But then they never know when to draw the line...so 200 became 250 and then 300. Slowly I was pushing my friends into different events to keep the guest list within 400. The truth that this wedding is ours not yours, just yours to give us is something parents never get. It is always their wedding for them with their kids in it...doing exactly what they want. As you must have guessed...we are no longer saying our vows at Ganjam. Now it will be in a red carpeted, bulb-filled, white walled, air conditioned hall in front of 200 friends and 400 strangers. My parents expect me to be happy with the decision as it was long coming. But the planner that I am I take offense when my plans are run over with least regard to my dreams and feelings. Our parents don't want to hurt their acquaintances by not allowing them to participate in our wedding...but well they are completely willing to consciously bypass our wishes and carry on with their changed agendas expecting us to trod along with enthusiasm as they love us and always want the best for us. 


The past two days, we have spoken to each other, tried to see if we could make our parents change their decisions and finally after failing consoled each other. And it is when he was consoling me he said the sweetest thing - I really like Ganjam...I like it even more because you like it. Those words just made me fall in love with him all over again. This man gives me hope - hope that he will stand by me and will never intentionally hurt my feelings or disregard my wishes. And if he ever does, I guess he will at least have the right things to say. So I guess though my wedding isn't ideal or even close to ideal...I am just glad it is with the man I love...because well, even that could have been changed!

I Don't Want to be Alone!!

So last Saturday was the Grihapravesh - my first 'family' do. The plan was that I attend this event with my fiance...but as IMRB would have it...he could not make it to town...instead he was tied down all weekend with work. 

Going alone was a scary thought। Was hoping my sister would accompany me...but well she would join me only after class. So there I was stranded...on my own...with no one seeing my point of view. Yes, I know the family. Yes, they are sweet people. But I didn't want to be alone! With no choice left, I started the 19th of July at 7 a.m.. 

There was no power...so I could not turn the heater on. I started my Yoga workout (yes, I have been doing it for over a week now), but was restless and didn't complete it. Then I drove down to to give my bike for service - I really wonder why I chose this day. When I reached there I realised I had forgotten my service voucher. Somehow managed to get things done and rushed home... Still no power. So I just got into a cold shower.

I was going to wear a sari. I put on my jewellery first and then moved on to my make up and finally the sari. Now, I have been draping the sari with no help for the past 3 years...but as luck would have it I tried 4 times that day and it just looked awful. My eyes started welling up...I had to think of something. It was already 10 a.m. and I had to leave soon. I finally went to my neighbour and asked aunty to help me with the pleats. Luckily this time I had everything I needed for the visit packed in my small bag...so there were no million trips between the door and my room. 

I drove to their house. The house is way out of the city...but as the traffic was thin I got there in good time. Mentus came down to receive me. It was great to see him after over 3 months. As the elevator landed on the mezzanine floor I could feel my heart pounding. I walked with him to the house...and in the veranda I could see a pair of eyes looking at me with curiosity (later I was introduced to my fiance's grandaunt). Everyone was thrilled to have me there. Aunty introduced me to the family that was already there and then showed me around the house. Aunty spoke about everything she was going to do to get the house ready (for us to live in). I was hoping to get time with Mentus...but well I ended up with all the ladies in the living room...talking about work...commuting to work...where did we meet...my skin...ya da ya da ya da. Yes, the family is sweet. Yes, the family is simple. Yes, the family spoke in English more than Malayalam. Yes, they made me comfortable. Yes, they didn't stare at me too much. But I didn't want to be alone!! As more of the family walked in and out...I was introduced by my name...as their son's fiancee...as their to be daughter-in-law and finally as their daughter-in-law. 

It is the strangest set of feelings I have felt. I was nervous, excited, sad, happy and sooo much more. I was nervous if I would be able to survive the afternoon making conversation with his family sounding sweet, intelligent and courteous. I was excited to meet his family. I had played the afternoon a hundred times in my head and practised what I'd say, how I'd walk, how I'd smile and all of that. 

The sad and happy worked like a see-saw. When Acchamma said she was delighted to see me in a sari I was happy. When I was made to sit with the women, I felt old and mature which made me sad. When I saw the appreciative glances though the corner of my eye, I was happy. When I realised that this would be my new home...far away from my little sister and Misha I was sad. 

When uncle asked me to stay a little longer as he wanted me to meet another cousin I was happy. When through the afternoon I moved from fiancee to to be daughter-in-law to our daughter-in-law I was sad. I still have 5 months to go. But that afternoon made me just want to run to my parents hold them really tight and not let go. 

I wanted to be just their girl again. I wanted to be appa's spoilt brat whose smooth talk always works...and amma's friend as we clear the table after lunch...fight with appa to watch MTV instead of CNBC...yell at amma because she just told me that story for the 4th time this holiday...annoy appa with details of my latest crush...have amma nag me about not studying... The list is endless...I just don't want to be alone...