It is the awards' season...so for the lack of creativity I am choosing to go with cliches for my title.
I am a Drama Queen. And I enjoy all the drama in my life...I create most of it and other times I encourage it. Life for me has truly been a stage...things that happen to me are acts of my life...my life being this huge play where I am the central character...the heroine. It is hilarious when I write it down in words like this...but though this may be a wee bit exaggerated...I do look at my life like this. An interesting story I will tell my kids and their kids.
Now marriage is a crucial turn in my 'play'...which I was sure would have many many 'acts' which would be difficult and testing. Honestly, when I took this decison I didn't know what I was completely getting into...I don't think anyone knows. It is something one can not contemplae, plan or predict. So if anyone says I know what I am getting to - it is a lie!
Going on...as the days pass I have come to realise that this 'chapter' in my 'play' forces me to give up my favorite central charater and move quickly and quietly to the side. Quickly as this change is expected as soon as the chapter starts and quietly as no one really wants to hear you crib that you have lost the importance. You know so what if you are a playing a supporting role - you are important for the play and bring so much to it!
Having lived most of my life putting my interest before anyone elses and having parents who have always kept me happy, I must confess that after one ceremony to suddenly put everyone's happiness or requirements before yours and not minding if things happening are not making you happy does not come easily...definitely not for me.
Giving up the lead is probably going to be the hardest part of this chapter for me. And even harder will be doing it quietly...by handling the situation within myself.
In so many many words everyone is hinting that I should move to the back seat. Be the friend who can cheer him up when he is low (if he chooses to talk to you about it). Be the person who understands that despite marriage he needs space...you may have plans for 'us'...but accept it when he chooses to do something else. Be the calm wife if thanks to friends or family he chooses to ignore you the entire weekend...as it 'His' time. Be the adjusting and smiling daughter-in-law...even when your heart is heavy...
The past 4 weekends he has worked every weekend. I have run around town alone...to get away from the loneliness. This loneliness stings more as it comes after marriage a step you take for a lifetime of companionship. Today this is the biggest problem in my life...and the man who promised to take care of me on the 21st of December goes around turing his back on me...chatting late into the night with family but snoring away as soon as we get into our room...choosing not to talk about what I am going through as I have not bothered to understand and accept his work life...and he still expects me to be smiling and ever social in front of his family who is visiting us this weekend.
And as he doesn't feel this...I am going to say it myself. Despite this tough switch in roles that I am going through I am sure I have done full justice to my daughter-in-law duties.
I am a Drama Queen. And I enjoy all the drama in my life...I create most of it and other times I encourage it. Life for me has truly been a stage...things that happen to me are acts of my life...my life being this huge play where I am the central character...the heroine. It is hilarious when I write it down in words like this...but though this may be a wee bit exaggerated...I do look at my life like this. An interesting story I will tell my kids and their kids.
Now marriage is a crucial turn in my 'play'...which I was sure would have many many 'acts' which would be difficult and testing. Honestly, when I took this decison I didn't know what I was completely getting into...I don't think anyone knows. It is something one can not contemplae, plan or predict. So if anyone says I know what I am getting to - it is a lie!
Marriage I have to come to see is constitution whose requirements are quite dynamic...ever changing always demanding. Now whatever I say, I am must confess will be biased. I am a wife and anything I feel or say is a wife's view.
Going on...as the days pass I have come to realise that this 'chapter' in my 'play' forces me to give up my favorite central charater and move quickly and quietly to the side. Quickly as this change is expected as soon as the chapter starts and quietly as no one really wants to hear you crib that you have lost the importance. You know so what if you are a playing a supporting role - you are important for the play and bring so much to it!
Having lived most of my life putting my interest before anyone elses and having parents who have always kept me happy, I must confess that after one ceremony to suddenly put everyone's happiness or requirements before yours and not minding if things happening are not making you happy does not come easily...definitely not for me.
Giving up the lead is probably going to be the hardest part of this chapter for me. And even harder will be doing it quietly...by handling the situation within myself.
I call ma and she says he is a yelle nimbekai understand...like I am a pro at this! My girlfriends say keep quiet now...talk to him later...he is the guy you are the girl...accept that. Men are always like this...don't let him know you are feeling hurt. Talk to him when you are calm. Ma says we have all been through it...men will always get nervous that marriage is changing them and they will try hard to prove it to everyone that it has not.
The general opinion is...yes Drama Queen you are dealing with a man with a very crazy work life...it is hard...and yes he is not giving you time...but you have to be supportive...explain what you are going through...but understand what he is going through.
In so many many words everyone is hinting that I should move to the back seat. Be the friend who can cheer him up when he is low (if he chooses to talk to you about it). Be the person who understands that despite marriage he needs space...you may have plans for 'us'...but accept it when he chooses to do something else. Be the calm wife if thanks to friends or family he chooses to ignore you the entire weekend...as it 'His' time. Be the adjusting and smiling daughter-in-law...even when your heart is heavy...
The past 4 weekends he has worked every weekend. I have run around town alone...to get away from the loneliness. This loneliness stings more as it comes after marriage a step you take for a lifetime of companionship. Today this is the biggest problem in my life...and the man who promised to take care of me on the 21st of December goes around turing his back on me...chatting late into the night with family but snoring away as soon as we get into our room...choosing not to talk about what I am going through as I have not bothered to understand and accept his work life...and he still expects me to be smiling and ever social in front of his family who is visiting us this weekend.
And as he doesn't feel this...I am going to say it myself. Despite this tough switch in roles that I am going through I am sure I have done full justice to my daughter-in-law duties.
I hope that someday soon he realises that we live together...avoiding conversations...ignoring issues...putting things off with a hug or a baby face will not get us anywhere better. Yes I am the woman...yes I have to be understanding...yes I have to be supportive. But he is the man...and he is responsible for me...he has to take care of my needs...and I hope he can understand that and support me.
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