Best Wife in a Supporting Role

It is the awards' season...so for the lack of creativity I am choosing to go with cliches for my title.

I am a Drama Queen. And I enjoy all the drama in my life...I create most of it and other times I encourage it. Life for me has truly been a stage...things that happen to me are acts of my life...my life being this huge play where I am the central character...the heroine. It is hilarious when I write it down in words like this...but though this may be a wee bit exaggerated...I do look at my life like this. An interesting story I will tell my kids and their kids.

Now marriage is a crucial turn in my 'play'...which I was sure would have many many 'acts' which would be difficult and testing. Honestly, when I took this decison I didn't know what I was completely getting into...I don't think anyone knows. It is something one can not contemplae, plan or predict. So if anyone says I know what I am getting to - it is a lie!

Marriage I have to come to see is constitution whose requirements are quite dynamic...ever changing always demanding. Now whatever I say, I am must confess will be biased. I am a wife and anything I feel or say is a wife's view.

Going on...as the days pass I have come to realise that this 'chapter' in my 'play' forces me to give up my favorite central charater and move quickly and quietly to the side. Quickly as this change is expected as soon as the chapter starts and quietly as no one really wants to hear you crib that you have lost the importance. You know so what if you are a playing a supporting role - you are important for the play and bring so much to it!

Having lived most of my life putting my interest before anyone elses and having parents who have always kept me happy, I must confess that after one ceremony to suddenly put everyone's happiness or requirements before yours and not minding if things happening are not making you happy does not come easily...definitely not for me.

Giving up the lead is probably going to be the hardest part of this chapter for me. And even harder will be doing it quietly...by handling the situation within myself.

I call ma and she says he is a yelle nimbekai understand...like I am a pro at this! My girlfriends say keep quiet now...talk to him later...he is the guy you are the girl...accept that. Men are always like this...don't let him know you are feeling hurt. Talk to him when you are calm. Ma says we have all been through it...men will always get nervous that marriage is changing them and they will try hard to prove it to everyone that it has not.

The general opinion is...yes Drama Queen you are dealing with a man with a very crazy work life...it is hard...and yes he is not giving you time...but you have to be supportive...explain what you are going through...but understand what he is going through.

In so many many words everyone is hinting that I should move to the back seat. Be the friend who can cheer him up when he is low (if he chooses to talk to you about it). Be the person who understands that despite marriage he needs space...you may have plans for 'us'...but accept it when he chooses to do something else. Be the calm wife if thanks to friends or family he chooses to ignore you the entire weekend...as it 'His' time. Be the adjusting and smiling daughter-in-law...even when your heart is heavy...

The past 4 weekends he has worked every weekend. I have run around town alone...to get away from the loneliness. This loneliness stings more as it comes after marriage a step you take for a lifetime of companionship. Today this is the biggest problem in my life...and the man who promised to take care of me on the 21st of December goes around turing his back on me...chatting late into the night with family but snoring away as soon as we get into our room...choosing not to talk about what I am going through as I have not bothered to understand and accept his work life...and he still expects me to be smiling and ever social in front of his family who is visiting us this weekend.

And as he doesn't feel this...I am going to say it myself. Despite this tough switch in roles that I am going through I am sure I have done full justice to my daughter-in-law duties.

I hope that someday soon he realises that we live together...avoiding conversations...ignoring issues...putting things off with a hug or a baby face will not get us anywhere better. Yes I am the woman...yes I have to be understanding...yes I have to be supportive. But he is the man...and he is responsible for me...he has to take care of my needs...and I hope he can understand that and support me.

A Vacation of Many Firsts

I am back from my last trip home before the wedding. This holiday promised to be quite high on emotion - you know the whole I am getting married and I have grown up and I will be someone's wife and I will be part of a new family. All the traditional thoughts that go through a girl's head before D-Day. But things took quite a drastic turn...and I had a very high dosage of emotions this time round. 

A day before I landed in Muscat, Appa had a heart attack. Amma kept the news from me till 3 hours before I boarded the flight. I don't think I reacted to the news...ever. I mean, I just didn't know how to react and maybe by the time I had digested the news there was so much to do...that there was no time to react. Walking out of the airport and seeing appa and amma's excited faces has always given me a thrill. In fact I have taken extra care to what I wear and how I look despite odd flight timings. Everytime I land appa hugs me and says You've lost weight :) I must tell you that appa and ajji are probably the only people who feel that...I always tell appa not to be loud coz anyone around will definitely not think of me as slim girl. This was the first time in the last 15 years that appa was not at the airport to receive me. 

Ma was there with friends...but appa missing really tugged at my heart. That was the first change. Ma and I chatted on our way home...I asked how all this happened. It was a very normal conversation...no one was emotional...just dealing with the situation. We got home, rested and then after a couple of phone calls from friends who had heard about appa, ma and I left for the hospital. 

Appa has been in hospitals before...but funnily I have never seen him in one. Appa was in the ICU when I first met him...he looked happy. He was definitely enjoying all the attention everyone was showering him with...but this had certainly rattled him. Ma was her usual calm self...more focussed on what to do and how to do it. The first week of my vacation was largely spent at the hospital. 

Once appa came home things were much better. It was the first time I had spent so much time with appa as he was under complete rest - no office, no evening walks and no socializing. While appa was under complete rest, amma was fulfilling her duties by being Super Mom. Along with managing the home, appa's health and diet, amma was single handedly driving me around town from malls to tailors to the spa and the souq. I knew she was tired...but she wanted to ensure that I had got most of my shopping done and that at the end of it I had a good holiday. 

The Gowri pooje was the highlight of the holiday. Amma managed to organize a get together in 2 days. We about 20 odd friends visit us that day - some old and many new. For a change I was showered with all the bride-to-be attention...and I quite enjoyed myself. My last Gowri pooje at home before the wedding...the reason for me planning my trip at this time of the year. 

The last 2 nights, we also went out to Kargeen and Pavoreal for dinner. My holidays home are never complete without trips to these restaurants. Poor appa sat most of the evening without eating at all...quite a tough task for a foodie like him. Saying goodbye was the hardest. I just didn't want to leave them this time. 

It was the first time in many years that I cried at the airport...something I didn't do even when I was 12. I guess that was the first time I reacted...

Getting married, for reasons I do not know, is always an emotional phase for a girl. I knew that my life in these months would change and I'd be running through so many feelings and emotions. So yes in a way I was prepared...but when you see the first man in your life down...there is something that is scary and unsettling about it. Then when your mother is being strong for you and him and her parents...not once saying what she is going through with complete honesty...you see who you will have to be in the future...which now doesn't seem very far. 

My holiday wasn't the joy ride I had expected it to be. But despite the drastic turn of events, just the time with appa amma was worth all the change of plans which I never take too well to. I will cherish the time spent watching movies with appa, the visit to the spa with amma and the last day when appa amma helped me pick up my lehenga for my wedding reception...I guess a trip home is always great...no matter what...