I
remember a friend – a girl friend - once telling me, “You know my parents have
raised me like a boy.” The meaning of this statement was that she was raised to
be an independent, self-contained and confident individual. This was about 10
years ago.
I
questioned her statement then and I question her statement now. Yes, being a
‘boy’ is usually synonymous with the adjectives above…but I feel that the times
have changed. Not today; but a long time back.
I
come from a home of two daughters. The absence of a male sibling meant that I
never had to compete with a brother for freedom. Yes, our home had rules more
stringent than at a boy’s home. Our family knew where we were and what time we
would be back. But we were brought up in a way where we informed rather than
where we were ordered. Do you get the difference?
In
the initial years of our adolescence it was all about seeking permission. That
lasted till I was about 16 years old. This process slowly then graduated to me
informing about my ‘plans for the evening’.
I
spent 21 years of my life with family…which is way more than most people do
today. I was definitely a part of a secure and safe life. Things were always
taken care of. But the first time I left home, moved to a bigger city, started
work…I was in charge of my life - from paying the bills to what time I want to
get home to getting a maid and ensuring I got a decent meal (which was usually
at a cousin’s place). I loved the experience and I am glad to say I didn’t make
too many mistakes.
I
was raised to be an individual with opinions which I voiced, control over
situations so that I never had to call a ‘guy’ for help and a sense of pride of
being an independent woman.
Life
did throw its share of obstacles where I was considered a PYT. I was not taken
seriously; because if you know how to coordinate your clothes you must be dumb!
Or if you spoke good English you really had no ‘stuff’. And the worst one; ‘you
are rich’ so nothing really matters.
These
were unpleasant situations that got my ‘feminist blood’ boiling. I would rant
about how the world was so unfair and chauvinistic. But I think with age and
maturity you learn to handle these hindrances and I did too with a little wit
and lot of action.
I
still experience the man and woman divide. Sometimes at work and sometimes at
home. But raised as a girl, along with being independent, self-contained and
confident, I am aware when the man needs to take the steering wheel and when
the man needs to be in control of things and a master of his destiny. It all
comes down to me being a juggler (shuttling between independence and damsel in
distress) and an illusionist (letting the person see what he wants to)!
With
age-old beliefs of the man and woman divide the hurdles are galore. But at the
end of it all, I am glad to be raised a girl.
