The Friends' Circle

I always boasted of a large friends' circle. I was never the kind to have like just two very close friends...you know. I always spoke in double digit numbers when it came to friends. I like knowing a lot of people. And yes I understand the difference between knowing people and actually being friends...

But you know what? Say ten years ago, I knew a lot a people and I had a lot of friends. We all stayed in the same city. Studied pretty much the same course. Had the same extended friends' circle to talk about. It was fun...I look back at that time and my heart goes all aaaawwwww.

I miss that time...coz today my social life is so contrasting to the one I had then.

Today there are demarcations. I have friends, close friends, old friends, work friends and the other people I know...

The other people I know is waaaay larger than what I had ten years back. I guess that's just with the accumulation of time...in a way tells you how old you are!

But the friends and the close friends...is a smaaall number compared to this large universe of people I know today. Very different from how it was ten years ago. And most of these friends and close friends who I carefully collected and treasured over the years, don't live in the same city as me...most of them not even the same country.

Honestly, the distance doesn't hamper our friendship. A huge round of applause for the internet for that...communication is so easy today. So yeah, we are all in touch. But that still doesn't change the fact that today in the city I stay I may have a grand total of three or four close friends...one actually being my sister.

My social life you ask?? Well, pretty non-existent actually. And from what I hear it is the same story with most people today. We are so busy with our jobs, and our chores, and our families...that I think we've forgotten to have a social life. I mean, I sometimes put 'Have a Social Life' on the check-list coz I may forget!

The internet steps in again...this time to help me stay in touch with people I know in the same city...yeah...the same city. I chat with them and I comment on their pictures and their updates. So yeah we are in touch...or rather we are 'connected' and I guess today that counts for being in touch.

Ha! We actually get away easy...don't have to write those letters and buy those stamps and find those post boxes (actually that reminds me  I have not seen a post-box in ages!!). Isn't that great??

Hmmm...not really. Coz I am an internet addict. Yes, I accept that!

But you know yesterday, as another friend left Bengaluru...I was sad. Sad that from having friends like a street away from where I lived...today most of my close friends reside in the state of California. Nope they do not have any particular fascination for the state...just that they are all engineers :-)

Anyways getting back to the point...when I sat down and thought about it...I wished I didn't have to check up on my friends on Facebook...or think if it was the right time to call them coz they are half a day behind us...or have to use emoticons to laugh at their jokes or send them hugs when they are low...

Today...just one of those days...I miss my friends...

A Few Glances, A Few Smiles And Three Conversations

This is a story I never thought I'd tell...but 7 years have gone and still the memory brings warmth, smiles and tears. I was 19...in college...studying something I'd never use again in my life whilst making friends and memories I'd treasure forever.

Life was complicated...from a 19-year old's point of view that is. Apart from doing a course I hated...college for me was more like high school - so many friend-issues, popularity-issues, boy-issues and so on and so forth. But I think the boy-issues are what I treasure the most.

Back then I think 'falling in love' was something that happened so easily. Embarrassing as it is today...I did 'fall in love' many times. Why do I put it in quotes? Well, most of my love stories were filled with many accidental bump-ins, lots of knowing smiles, a few awkward conversations and then I'd realize it wasn't love.

And so 7 years back...my heart fluttered again...this time it was the captain of the basket ball team (I think he held that position). It started with a glance as I dropped my friend Kenz off at the library (a place I never ventured into unless I was looking for one of my studious friends)...and there he was waiting for Kenz. It was just one glance and I still remember the rush I felt...and I knew he felt it too.

I am so sure he felt it coz the next day Kenz was like - What did you do? He wants me to introduce you to him. Ah!! I was sooo delighted that day. Yeah I did put it off for a while...you know was trying to show I was not desperate to meet him. Old school tricks worked in Mysore...so I just stuck to many many more glance and smile exchanges between us...I wonder today why we never just walked up and introduced ourselves...

Finally a few days after my 19th birthday I told Kenz that his friend is always looking at me and trying to smile so maybe he should just introduce us...like I was doing the boy a favor! After that, I remember how everyday I'd take extra care to dress up to college...and the funny thing is I got introduced when I was in college for an hour in an ugly green tee! He wanted me to join him for some party for all the Bangaloreans in college...when I told him I am not a Banglorean...his reply was we are allowed to get friends. Probably the worst way to cover up asking a girl on a date...but it worked and I was thrilled. That was conversation number 1.

That party never happened...but we now said hi to each other. For the chatterbox that I am I wonder why we hardly spoke to each other. Well, I guess you could blame the exams in August and the semester break in September. We did talk on the last day of our exams...about the exams...plans for the break...and the other stuff is a blur. But I remember him sitting on his YBX...and me standing smiling trying to look all confident but all melted inside. That was conversation number 2.

I gushed about him all through my break...I told my folks, my grandparents, my sister and Shrootha...it was the most romantic of my love stories...and I was waiting for semester 5 to begin. Shrootha had told me to talk to him and not just hi and smile like a goofy. So I was all pumped up to take this to the next step - Hi! How are you?

Semester 5 was no different...every time I ran into him I was in a rush...to get into class or mostly to get out of it. Or I was with Krip trying to sort out his girlfriend-issues. This whole thing was moving at a snail's pace...and I was funnily still super excited.

And finally 23rd October, 2001.

I had finished my labs in the morning...and for some weird reason could not find any of my friends to have lunch with. So as I wandered aimlessly in our basement canteen...I saw him...and I just knew that we would have our conversation number 3.

We spoke and spoke and spoke...I remember his friends grinning on the side and walking and some more cocky ones actually winking, slapping him on his back. He got me a mazaa from our canteen and we just talked...about where we are from, where we live, what we like, family, school, college, the course...oblivious to everyone around...I was soooo happy...I just didn't want lunch break to end. I remember Sajjad (a classmate) trying to be the third participant in the conversation...and just not leaving...but I think we were very cold and he left in 5 minutes...7 years later I still smile and go a little pink in my cheeks when I remember that day...

He asked me to join him on the train the next day to Bangalore as both of us were headed there...he for the long Dasara weekend...and me for my cousin's wedding...I just wanted to say yesss...but I was sticking to my old school tricks...so I declined and said that we'd catch up when we get back...

That evening I got back home and was flying...felt so light...felt so happy...felt exhilarated...and I can today say that it was one of the happiest days of my life.

When I got back on the 29th I remember talking to Krip who was advising me not to waste anymore time and then Kenz called and was like why didn't you come to college today? He was looking for you.

So obviously on the 30th I spent close to an hour getting ready...I had to look great...it was a BIG day! And I did look pretty...in my lucky white chudidhaar with pink flowers...it made me look elegant. I got to lab...it was a week since the 23rd and I was just waiting to get my outputs and leave...meet him at the canteen...and buy him something this time...

I was telling my lab-mate all this...when they made the announcement that just changed everything...I felt like something really heavy come down upon me...I could not stand and everything around seemed to be going in circles...my eyes just welled up...but my head kept telling me not to believe what I had just heard...

And just like that in a few seconds my love story came to an end...

I was rushed out of the lab by Manasa and Kenz and we went to the hospital. I remember Prashanth, his good friend, telling Manasa to take me back. I never saw him...I could not get myself to do that...

I went back to college...to the canteen...and wept and wept and wept...I could not stop...I could not control my emotions...I could not move. Finally when Krip got there, I hugged him and sobbed. He took me home...and I lay in bed all day...crying...I cried very long...many days...many weeks...many months.

The loss was too much for me to handle...and I think somewhere down the line I had fallen in love with him over the 6 months of glances, smiles and the 3 conversations...

The thought of that day makes me weep even today...and the thought of our conversation number 3 makes me blush even today...