Third Time Lucky

Before I start, let me tell you that I am getting married in Ganjam. How did this miraculous changes happen? Well, I am just happy with the result and think analysing it is just joy-kill. Guess now all my ranting seems silly...but I must say it is the best one I have written so far.

When I heard about this probable change of venue I was on a holiday...a weekend getaway with my girlfriends. Before this news I had planned to get back and write about my trip. But well, emotions took over...

So this is a long pending blog.

Harpreet and Adi from work and I have been planning a trip for the longest time now. The 1st trip we planned was to Goa way back in March. I don't want to get into the details but we didn't go despite having rooms booked and a return ticket. Just unfortunate circumstances and awful luck.

Then in May, the three of us were super kicked because we had discovered Tiger Airways. Our trip to Singapore was going to be very cheap. But then the weekend we were planning to go ended up being the one hosting the F1 night race or something. So we didn't find a place to stay. This plan went down the drain too.

Finally in July, we decided to go Hampi. Amma had been earlier in July...it looked like a beautiful place...and it was easy to travel to.

We planned to take a night train to Hospet on 25-Jul...the same day Bengaluru was rattled by a few blasts which caused some amount of panic and the unfortunate demise of one woman...unfortunate as these bombs were meant to scare not kill.

Anyways this just made the three of us feel third time unlucky...guess the girl trip before my wedding was something that was not going to happen.

But after some thought and talk...we decided to go. Probably one of the wisest decisions I have made in recent times. Harpreet, Adi and I had a blast. It was my first girl trip and theirs too...and we realised how much fun going without the boys is.

Hampi is a beautiful city...and to our luck the weather was brilliant...and our guide Hussain was quite a darling. We listened intently and asked him many questions and with our journey included him in our giggles and crazy girlie talk. We posed as dancers in the ruined temples and as models in the dark stairways...memories I will cherish always.

Harpreet & Adi are new friends...but very dear...and super important for the success of every Girl-Fun I am ticking off on my To-Do list before the wedding.

The best part of thr trip was this crazy video we took...messages to our future husbands and kids. Guess that is something you could never do with the boys...

Though we are independant women...and enjoy being single. Somewhere we look forward to husbands, children and families. And soon like our mothers did we will make these our priorities too...but I hope that unlike our mothers we do not forget the girls we were and the women we are. Maybe just once in a while slipping back to the Harpreet, Adi and Vibha that we were at Hampi that weekend would not be such a bad idea!

To Be With The One You Love

My life at every stage has been planned...planning trips, planning dinners out, planning weekends. And I like to do this way ahead of the actual event. So, it is but natural that last year when in August he proposed I started my research and planning for my wedding. I read articles in Cosmo about best wedding locales in India. Kerela and Goa emerged with many many options...but when I discussed it with ma...she said it didn't make sense. We'd have to pay for every one's travel and stay...and our 'everyone' is a large number. That is when I first realised my wedding was not going to be my ideal wedding. 


What is my ideal wedding?!? Well, I always wanted a temple wedding...in a heritage temple...like the ones in Bellur and Hallebidu. I saw these temples when I was 10 years old...and though I deny dreaming about and planning my wedding since then, I think somewhere deep down I saw myself being married there. A traditional wedding...a small number of people...just the close ones...who mattered to me and for whom my wedding was a priority not just curiosity. 


To cut down the travel and the trouble people who come from outside Bengaluru have to take I then decided that I will find a place that resembles my picture of my ideal wedding. So the hunt began and I was left with 2 options - Villa Potipatti in Malleshwaram and Ganjam Mantapa in Basavangudi. South Bangalore made sense to us and Ganjam...hmmm...it is a beautiful home...ethnic and so Indian. Unlike many other halls in the city which translate grand to chandeliers, red carpets, AC and all things that according to me are just gaudy. Also, Ganjam accommodates 400 people when compared to Villa Potipatti which has place for just 100...obviously that meant many of my 'everyone' would not have made it to my list. 


So in April when my wedding was fixed the first thing I did was call Ganjam Mantapa (yes, I already had their number) and reserve the place for 21st December. Within hours of finalizing the guest list I went ahead and booked Ganjam. This was the only thing I wanted for my wedding. No jewellery, no clothes, nothing plush and fancy....just plain, simple Indian. I remember telling my sister, I will choose my battles. Once I got Ganjam I was willing to give into everything - what I had to wear, number of poojas, number of events. All of it was worth it, because Ganjam made my wedding as close to ideal as possible in Bengaluru. 


He loved the place too...we had already made a trip there way back in January and were delighted at the thought of getting married in such a quaint home. It just added so much ground to our marriage. But like I have said before...once the parents get involved you are pretty much left with zilch. 


By the day the guest list kept increasing. My parents are very social people and I have liked that about them. But then they never know when to draw the line...so 200 became 250 and then 300. Slowly I was pushing my friends into different events to keep the guest list within 400. The truth that this wedding is ours not yours, just yours to give us is something parents never get. It is always their wedding for them with their kids in it...doing exactly what they want. As you must have guessed...we are no longer saying our vows at Ganjam. Now it will be in a red carpeted, bulb-filled, white walled, air conditioned hall in front of 200 friends and 400 strangers. My parents expect me to be happy with the decision as it was long coming. But the planner that I am I take offense when my plans are run over with least regard to my dreams and feelings. Our parents don't want to hurt their acquaintances by not allowing them to participate in our wedding...but well they are completely willing to consciously bypass our wishes and carry on with their changed agendas expecting us to trod along with enthusiasm as they love us and always want the best for us. 


The past two days, we have spoken to each other, tried to see if we could make our parents change their decisions and finally after failing consoled each other. And it is when he was consoling me he said the sweetest thing - I really like Ganjam...I like it even more because you like it. Those words just made me fall in love with him all over again. This man gives me hope - hope that he will stand by me and will never intentionally hurt my feelings or disregard my wishes. And if he ever does, I guess he will at least have the right things to say. So I guess though my wedding isn't ideal or even close to ideal...I am just glad it is with the man I love...because well, even that could have been changed!

I Don't Want to be Alone!!

So last Saturday was the Grihapravesh - my first 'family' do. The plan was that I attend this event with my fiance...but as IMRB would have it...he could not make it to town...instead he was tied down all weekend with work. 

Going alone was a scary thought। Was hoping my sister would accompany me...but well she would join me only after class. So there I was stranded...on my own...with no one seeing my point of view. Yes, I know the family. Yes, they are sweet people. But I didn't want to be alone! With no choice left, I started the 19th of July at 7 a.m.. 

There was no power...so I could not turn the heater on. I started my Yoga workout (yes, I have been doing it for over a week now), but was restless and didn't complete it. Then I drove down to to give my bike for service - I really wonder why I chose this day. When I reached there I realised I had forgotten my service voucher. Somehow managed to get things done and rushed home... Still no power. So I just got into a cold shower.

I was going to wear a sari. I put on my jewellery first and then moved on to my make up and finally the sari. Now, I have been draping the sari with no help for the past 3 years...but as luck would have it I tried 4 times that day and it just looked awful. My eyes started welling up...I had to think of something. It was already 10 a.m. and I had to leave soon. I finally went to my neighbour and asked aunty to help me with the pleats. Luckily this time I had everything I needed for the visit packed in my small bag...so there were no million trips between the door and my room. 

I drove to their house. The house is way out of the city...but as the traffic was thin I got there in good time. Mentus came down to receive me. It was great to see him after over 3 months. As the elevator landed on the mezzanine floor I could feel my heart pounding. I walked with him to the house...and in the veranda I could see a pair of eyes looking at me with curiosity (later I was introduced to my fiance's grandaunt). Everyone was thrilled to have me there. Aunty introduced me to the family that was already there and then showed me around the house. Aunty spoke about everything she was going to do to get the house ready (for us to live in). I was hoping to get time with Mentus...but well I ended up with all the ladies in the living room...talking about work...commuting to work...where did we meet...my skin...ya da ya da ya da. Yes, the family is sweet. Yes, the family is simple. Yes, the family spoke in English more than Malayalam. Yes, they made me comfortable. Yes, they didn't stare at me too much. But I didn't want to be alone!! As more of the family walked in and out...I was introduced by my name...as their son's fiancee...as their to be daughter-in-law and finally as their daughter-in-law. 

It is the strangest set of feelings I have felt. I was nervous, excited, sad, happy and sooo much more. I was nervous if I would be able to survive the afternoon making conversation with his family sounding sweet, intelligent and courteous. I was excited to meet his family. I had played the afternoon a hundred times in my head and practised what I'd say, how I'd walk, how I'd smile and all of that. 

The sad and happy worked like a see-saw. When Acchamma said she was delighted to see me in a sari I was happy. When I was made to sit with the women, I felt old and mature which made me sad. When I saw the appreciative glances though the corner of my eye, I was happy. When I realised that this would be my new home...far away from my little sister and Misha I was sad. 

When uncle asked me to stay a little longer as he wanted me to meet another cousin I was happy. When through the afternoon I moved from fiancee to to be daughter-in-law to our daughter-in-law I was sad. I still have 5 months to go. But that afternoon made me just want to run to my parents hold them really tight and not let go. 

I wanted to be just their girl again. I wanted to be appa's spoilt brat whose smooth talk always works...and amma's friend as we clear the table after lunch...fight with appa to watch MTV instead of CNBC...yell at amma because she just told me that story for the 4th time this holiday...annoy appa with details of my latest crush...have amma nag me about not studying... The list is endless...I just don't want to be alone...

Wakey! Wakey!

It's 700Hrs...the alarm on my cell goes off. Nowadays it has been set to 'You & Me' by Lifehouse. I open my eyes...look at my blue ceiling...feels nice. I groggily get off my bed...drag myself to the bathroom ...turn on the heater...and then drag myself back to bed. This time I pull my comforter over my head to make sure no light reaches me. It's 730Hrs...my 2nd alarm goes off...'Clocks' by Coldplay plays. I shut it off and starting thinking about getting up after my 3rd alarm to exercise. It's 745Hrs...now my 3rd alarm goes off...again 'Clocks; by Coldplay plays. This time I snooze it. i am still thinking for getting up to exercise. I am serious about exercising...I mean I even downloaded Shilpa's Yoga online. There is also this other book I have on a 20 minute exercise routine...so now which one do I do? The alarm goes off again...it's almost 800Hrs. Great! Now it is late...I can not exercise...I might as well snooze a bit more...at least get some sleep...so that I don't look drained out at work. And also I seem to be getting bags under my eyes now...I think I should sleep more. Beauty Sleep...that's what I need. I wake up with a start...it's 815Hrs. Whoa! I am late for work now. I jump out of bed. The heater has been on way too long now. I make up bed...go to the bathroom...hurriedly brush my teeth...have a bath...I am out in ten minutes. It's 830Hrs. A quick prayer...and then the moisturizing routine. It's 838Hrs. Okies! I just put on something black. Get into a pair of jeans. Rush to the kitchen. Pour myself a glass of cold milk. That's all the breakfast I have time for. It's 850Hrs. Back into my room. Quickly pack my bag for work. House keys. Check. Lip balm. Check. Jacket. Check. MP3 player. Check. It's 855Hrs. I am walking towards the door...digging through my bag for the scooter keys. Darn! I have left that on my bed. Run back to my room. Scooter keys. Check. I am at the door...reach for my cell to check the time. Arrgghhh!! My cell's in the room. Dash to my room. Cell's on the side table...still charging. I unplug it and walk briskly to the door. It's 904Hrs. I call the lift. As it comes up to the 7th floor, I put on my jacket and plug my MP3 player. Get into the lift...look at myself in the mirror. Hair's in place. Check. Feeling good. Check. It's 907Hrs. On my scooter...off to work...and I am thinking - tomorrow I will start exercising...for sure. All I have to do is wake up at 0700Hrs.

Do You Understand?

I was on a low day today. Work and some other stuff just bogging me down. So as the day comes to an end I wait for his call. It is always nice to hear his voice when I am upset...and I want to talk to him...tell him what I am going through...coz I know he'll understand. That's where I made the mistake. He is not a phone kinda guy...but well I know - coz he has told me - that he calls every day as I like talking. But I guess he'd like to keep most phone conversations to a 'hey, how've you been?' or 'how was work?' or just the plain and simple I love you's and I miss you's. The problem is for his questions he expects answers like 'great!', 'not so good' or even better 'I am tired...want to hit the sack'. The last reply means the call is going to end like now. But my responses to his questions are usually detailed - stuff from work and home and all the other things from my usually uneventful day. So he starts listening and then moves over to hearing and then goes on to watch TV with a regular 'hmmm' or 'ok'...you know the neutral responses. Coming to the call today...I was low and I wanted to talk about it...and the nice guy that he is...he let me. And then after venting out...I was like 'Do you understand?'. Now that is something a girl should never ask a guy. The plain fact is girls do not understand guys and vice versa. Last evening I was watching this TV show 'Rules of Engagement'...and there too the wife wants her husband to understand her...but 20 minutes into the show you know that he will never understand her and like the husband says she never understands that he doesn't understand. Now despite all this wisdom...I wonder why do I go back and ask him 'Do you understand?' coz I know the response is always 'I do - you were saying blah blah blah' where he just re-narrates all that I have told him. Yes, I must give that to him...he knows what I am talking about (I have heard men usually have no clue about that either). But there hardly ever is a response, reaction or even better a solution. That is what I always feel. But the truth is there is always a response - 'ok', a reaction - 'cool/cheer up' depending on the whining and a solution - 'ignore it'. However, as a woman I am not satisfied with these. Not coz I didn't get a response, reaction or solution...but just coz I didn't get the response, reaction or solution that I expected. Which basically means...that I already know my problem...what I need to do and how I am going to go about doing it. Yet there is some kind of validation I seek from him...which I never get. The thing is I get the response, reaction and solution I expect from my girlfriends. And we do a great job of figuring things out...largely coz we understand each other and we think alike. Still I hope and I wish that he understands me...says all the right things...and listens to me. Which basically means that I do not understand him...coz him not understanding me is just how it is going to be most of the time. Which means we both may not ever understand each other...yet we decide to spend our lives together...do you understand? I am waiting for the response, reaction and solution...

Revamped

I am not really sure how much revamping my page affects people...but well I am quite thrilled about it. I hope that this enthusiasm translates to more regular posts. It's just that I don't think I am a great writer...or a funny one...or that I have anything important to say. Yet, I'd like to share my thoughts and have people read what I have to say and well maybe have their reactions to it. Plus quite a lot has been happening in my life. I have been working almost a year in a media agency...and I really like my job. My client...well let me not get into that. Simply said I have the same feelings many of us agency types have for the client types. And on the personal front I am getting married in 6 months. Ah! Now you know why I have a lot happening in my life. I met my fiancé when I was studying 3 years ago. We have been dating for almost all of those 3 years minus the initial 3 months. I think we spent most of that time handling our now exes. Dating was a bumpy ride at the start...but when we survived that I knew this was going to have a happy ending. We spoke seriously about marriage a year back...and it was only in April this year that we went ahead and got our parents involved. Surprisingly getting married didn't really seem like a big deal when it was just the 2 of us...but today things are different...verrry different. A wedding I have come to realise is not about the 2 people who from then on will spend their lives together...there are at least 3 generations who jump in and make important decisions about your day! I consider myself lucky as most of my requests have been fulfilled...but yes every request had to be carefully made and arguments in support of the request thoughtfully planned. I have 6 months to go...and from what I have heard it is one helluva ride...and I am guessing that means lots of roller-coastering!

All In A Name

It's been ten days since my first post. In the time that has passed I have been very occupied trying to find a better name for my blog (the one now was a result of a numb brain). With this new name I believe I am communicating a lot about me, my personality, my interests, what I'll blog about, etc etc. So yeah I want to sound funny, intelligent and unique - all at once. Frankly, I think I am all of that (and more). But after a lot of thought and intense analysis (I am not kidding...it has been intense...I have stopped work to chat with friends for their opinions) I came up with zilch. It all began with a friend saying Pa-tee-do Pa-taa-do sounds like give me a husband and get me his address. No no! Not in English...in Hindi. Ah! Now you get it. It struck me too only after his unusual observation. Why I chose this particular set of words (if you want to call it that) I have no idea. And the friend's post made me think that well maybe I should change the name of my blog. I started the search. First, I thought of names with words from French but they sounded pretentious. I then used the thesaurus to make crazy combinations of words like vistas of the bygones (uh...what?!?), blab (that is what I am doing now), mind map (from B-school) and yes many many other duds! Then my friend suggested that I should go with something filmy coz I love Bollywood. I liked the idea. It was me...I love Bollywood...their movies and their music and their stories and their drama. Yeah...made me feel like I was on the right track now. And that is where I have reached. I have some really filmy and extremely corny names shortlisted...all I have to do is decide. Now that may take another ten days. So till then I'll leave you with a thought I read on a bike sticker. Very deep. Here goes. Surf your inner net than the internet - Baba.

Rakhi - The Solution to Many Woes

If we were playing Word Association then Rakhi today would get responses like Sawant or Mika or Botox (kyunki jo bhagawan nahin detha woh doctor de saktha hai). But well...I don't want to talk about the much talked about Rakhi Sawant. Today is Rakshabandhan and we all know what that is so I can skip the details. I don't have brothers. There are cousins...many of them...some I even forget exist...but well I think you know why I am not tying the rakhi to any of them! I did go through this stupid phase in high school...when I was a part of a bunch of girls who thought the boys in class were our brothers (yesss they were butt ugly). So yeah I joined the bandwagon...tied the rakhi...got some cheap nothings...and well once out of high school I lost touch with all my 'bhaiyas'. This festival is supposed to be like the 'moment' a brother and sister share every year...emotions r usually running high...promises are made...blessings and gifts are exchanged. All in all the Indian 'Brother-Sister Day'. But, I wonder has the festival to many lost meaning. I was 13 when I went through the rakhi phase in high school...and yes an honest confession I was stupider than most 13-year olds. Tying rakhi didn't really hold any sentiment or value in my head. Thank God, that changed. Sadly, many Indians still do not see what the rakhi stands for. I have seen girls using rakhi to get rid off boys in love with them, to stop rumours about them and their best 'boy' friend and even for reasons as shallow as 'his gifts are good'!! But all that was in school and college. Today I am 25 and I thought it was the end of me witnessing the rakhi being abused. But seems not. Girls...sorry women still seem to take the rakhi lightly. Today two women at work decided that a senior colleague is their 'bhaiya'. So began the whole drama of the rakhi, the snaps, the hugs...and yes the 'fake emotions'. As the whole 'performance' was put up I wondered...what does the rakhi and rakshabandhan really signify today? Is it how you shun overtures of affection or a quick-fix solution so that hanging out with the opposite sex doesn’t make so many tongues wag or a way to choose your 'bhaiyas' so that the returns are always high?