The Friends' Circle

I always boasted of a large friends' circle. I was never the kind to have like just two very close friends...you know. I always spoke in double digit numbers when it came to friends. I like knowing a lot of people. And yes I understand the difference between knowing people and actually being friends...

But you know what? Say ten years ago, I knew a lot a people and I had a lot of friends. We all stayed in the same city. Studied pretty much the same course. Had the same extended friends' circle to talk about. It was fun...I look back at that time and my heart goes all aaaawwwww.

I miss that time...coz today my social life is so contrasting to the one I had then.

Today there are demarcations. I have friends, close friends, old friends, work friends and the other people I know...

The other people I know is waaaay larger than what I had ten years back. I guess that's just with the accumulation of time...in a way tells you how old you are!

But the friends and the close friends...is a smaaall number compared to this large universe of people I know today. Very different from how it was ten years ago. And most of these friends and close friends who I carefully collected and treasured over the years, don't live in the same city as me...most of them not even the same country.

Honestly, the distance doesn't hamper our friendship. A huge round of applause for the internet for that...communication is so easy today. So yeah, we are all in touch. But that still doesn't change the fact that today in the city I stay I may have a grand total of three or four close friends...one actually being my sister.

My social life you ask?? Well, pretty non-existent actually. And from what I hear it is the same story with most people today. We are so busy with our jobs, and our chores, and our families...that I think we've forgotten to have a social life. I mean, I sometimes put 'Have a Social Life' on the check-list coz I may forget!

The internet steps in again...this time to help me stay in touch with people I know in the same city...yeah...the same city. I chat with them and I comment on their pictures and their updates. So yeah we are in touch...or rather we are 'connected' and I guess today that counts for being in touch.

Ha! We actually get away easy...don't have to write those letters and buy those stamps and find those post boxes (actually that reminds me  I have not seen a post-box in ages!!). Isn't that great??

Hmmm...not really. Coz I am an internet addict. Yes, I accept that!

But you know yesterday, as another friend left Bengaluru...I was sad. Sad that from having friends like a street away from where I lived...today most of my close friends reside in the state of California. Nope they do not have any particular fascination for the state...just that they are all engineers :-)

Anyways getting back to the point...when I sat down and thought about it...I wished I didn't have to check up on my friends on Facebook...or think if it was the right time to call them coz they are half a day behind us...or have to use emoticons to laugh at their jokes or send them hugs when they are low...

Today...just one of those days...I miss my friends...

Being a Guest Blogger

I must really thank Sabera who introduced me to this concept. Sometime back I wrote for Sabera's 'One Life to Eat' about Kannadiga weddings and the food. It was a really nice experience to work with someone on my blog. Sabera brought so much more to the blog...made it more US friendly :-)


Then Kiki my little sis' friend asked me to write something for her blog's Quaterversary. The topic was Bollywood...something I am quite crazy about. 'Bollywood Dreams' is something I personally believe in...maybe because I did spend a lot of my time dreaming.


Please do visit these links and post your comments. Would love to hear what you'd have to say.

The Corporate World is a Pain in the Heel!

'What do you want to be when you grow up?' was a very common choice for paragraph writing way back in primary school. My answer was always - a teacher. I mean, it was but obvious because that was the only profession I was exposed to as a kid. I had a huge blackboard in my room and during my play time I taught my imaginary class all my lessons. In fact soon this became a way of learning for me!

As I grew a little older I thought I should become an air hostess. Trust me back then I didn't once think about all the travel they got to do as the benefit. The uniforms were nice and they always looked pretty...so I wanted to be an air hostess. I loved the Gulf Air uniform. In fact my little sis and I used amma's thrown away dupattas and our hats to imitate their uniform.

By the time I was in high school, I decided that like appa I too would be a chartered accountant. My dream then changed to completing my CA and joining appa's office. I never really knew what appa did...but well he was doing well...and I guess that is all I saw.

The reality is, I didn't become any of these...not even close. I joined an engineering course and specialized in Electronics and Communications. There were a whole lot of silly reasons upon which this decision was based...but let me not digress. 

Just one year into this routine and I knew it was wrong for me. Quitting the course was not something I saw as an option. So I stuck on and completed my studies in E&C engineering, while all through I dreamed of being an actress in Bollywood working with the Khans, the Roshans, the Chopras and the Johars.

It was glitzy dream life that I led back then. I'd spend hours in front of the mirror mono-acting this second life of mine. Initially I thought I was a little nuts, so I kept to myself...but then I found some girls who did the same. Just that in front of the mirror some were actors, some were models...the stories were slightly different but the dreams were all glamorous.

By the end of my graduation, I was 21...and my dreams were more real. So acting in Bollywood went out of the window and I started toying with the idea of branding, marketing and maybe even celebrity management. I still remember the first time I spoke to appa amma about not wanting to be an engineer...I think somewhere appa thought it was all talk and he didn't pay too much attention.

But I think after choosing the wrong field to study for 4 years I wanted to be extra careful with what I chose for my post graduation. So I worked for a while in an internal communications team, with an NGO and also with kids. And at the end of it I knew I loved teaching...my first dream profession...but I had also discovered a love for marketing communications.

Once I had that figured out, I specialized in Marcomm and joined a media agency. Working in an agency was something I always wanted to do. It is a chaotic environment and each client is a specimen...but it was a fun place to be. I worked with a fantastic team. We walked into office most times in tattered chappals and ill-fitting clothes...there were not too many rules...but we still managed to break the few that were there.

My life in the agency was fun...but somewhere from wanting to be a teacher to studying Marcomm...I had started to want different things in my life. I wanted to be more in charge of what I did (I never got that opportunity in an agency as the client usually runs the show), I wanted my brains to be used and most important I needed to maintain my work-life balance. And so began my hunt for the next job.

The hunt took me about 6 weeks and I had 2 offers and it took me 2 days I think to take the final call.

I started working for my new organization on the 3rd of May...and as the days went by I could not fight the feeling that this was very close to my dream job...and I'd keep my fingers crossed and say touchwood! The work was good, the people were nice to work with and there was travel.

Last week I went on my first Corporate travel. I traveled to Mumbai on Wednesday, to Delhi on Thursday and back to Bengaluru on Friday. And you know what? As I walked into the airports to catch those early morning flights, tugging my laptop along I suddenly felt that all my dreaming, planning and a little bit of studying had paid off. I was now a part of the Corporate World!!

I slept 13 hours in 3 days. There was an event to attend and then an event to plan for and present. My phone had multiple alarms to make sure I didn't miss my early morning flights...my dreams were about technical glitches, speakers not arriving on time and an empty hall. I was very nervous.

Well, luckily none of these dreams came true. The event went off well...with very minor hiccups...and after 3 days of running around I was back in Bengaluru.

It felt great to be home...and with the events all wrapped up...I felt so light...but my legs hurt.

Yes...you read me right. My legs hurt!! With all the high-heeled footwear I wore to look great...my legs needed an entire Saturday of not being used to recover!!

So yeah, my trip was in a way liberating...I had started carving a little spot for myself in the Corporate World...but well after the 3 days of being a 'high-flyer' all I thought about was the corporate world is a real pain in the heel!

Even Carrie Ends Up Watching Movies on the Couch!

Last night I watched Julie & Julia and it inspired me to try and make blogging a routine - something I have honestly been trying to do for so long. I guess I need a mission or a deadline like Julie!

The inspiration made me log on and check my blog page after ages. And then I decided to change a little of the layout and background. I promise you I explored shades of blue and green. But somehow blog-wise I am just stuck on pink - a little less of it this time though.

I wanted to leave the page after the visual revamp but felt obliged to put down something to mark this day. Yes, there are things that have been running around in my head waiting to be blogged. But I am at work and I really should not be here in the first place.

So I decided to put in a review of a movie. I love movies. I review them regularly on Facebook and a little less regularly on Twitter. So why have I missed this important part of me on my blog page?? Really wonder why?

Sex & the City 2 released in India last week (and like ages ago in the rest of the World) and I was waiting to watch it.

Have I followed all the seasons of SATC on TV? No I have not. Do I score high points on a SATC quiz on Facebook? No I do not. Do I think the characters on the show will help me solve issues in my life wisely? No way! 

I have never understood the flak SATC got for being opposed to feminism and all that. Let's be honest. Most of us women have had our very own SATC moments. Be it love, marriage, work, babies...whatever! And that is why I like the show. Yes as girls and women we do tend to worry silly about things...things which most people disregard as unimportant...things which we ourselves know deep down are trivial.

But at that moment not finding the right pair of shoes for a dress to a party you have been planning to go for like over 2 weeks is a BIG DEAL! SATC is just a show that tells us - Don't worry...here are 4 more women in NYC who worry about issues more trivial than yours. And yes that makes me feel nice about myself!

I have caught most seasons on HBO. I have taken the 'Which SATC Character Are You?' quiz. I watched SATC 1 with my girlfriends wearing heels and carrying a fancy bag. I do it for fun.

And for fun I watched SATC 2.

People told me it is a disappointment...but all I say is that it is like a bad habit. You know it is not good for you but you still do it. SATC 2 is not a fantastic movie...no one expects great cinema from this team. But watching it makes me smile and happy...coz it is all about seeing the 4 girlfriends together again.

But yes I wished SATC 2 somewhere showed the 4 girls accepting age gracefully! Hated Samantha's track in this movie. Portraying aging being so hard to accept just makes it worse for most women out there. I would have really liked to see Samantha accept her age and maybe show us some benefits about that. That would not have hurt! Her desperate attempt to be young looked pathetic!

My favorite scene this time too was with Charolette (last time it was when she waved Mr. Big off with her finger) and Miranda...discussing children. Yes! They have help and yet they whine...but it was a nice scene. Something I can picture myself being in.

Carrie was being an annoying and a nagging wife...I know what she expected is not right. But honestly I have made some of those pointless arguments as well. I guess somewhere we want our lives to be glitzy all the time while we very well know deep down that reality is different. It was consoling to see that after marriage even Carrie ends up with take out, on a couch with a tired husband!

Watch it if you are an SATC fan...and watch it to just refresh your memories. This is not great cinema...it never promised to be...

And When it is Time to Leave...

Today is my last day in Maxus, where I spent over 2 and a half years of my life. My stay here had its share of ups, downs and in betweens. I made great friends, worked with good people and work was enjoyable as well.

Yet a month back I had to make this decision to move on as I realised that I was getting too comfortable with what I was doing. Also, I saw opportunities in jobs which I was always keen on doing; the monetary benefit also helped take this decision.

I have always been the one who takes her decision with her heart. But this time round I think my head was taking the calls all the way.

So yes today my heart is a little heavy, but my head is very clear with what I want for me. I guess it is a sign of growing up.

My time here I will always cherish. And though it is hard change has to be made. It is like ripping off a band-aid. There is a slight burning sensation now...but I am glad that the hard stuff is done with.

I have realised that what I will miss most are the memories and good times I had here...things which are not here today. I have come to understand with time that it is always letting go of familiar places and memories that is the hardest. Like when you leave school, college or a city you've grown in. I feel the same mixed emotion of sadness and excitement today.

As I sign off this is a mail I sent out at work that I want to remember for life.

Subject: My long mail - please be patient

Hi,

A long time back I had heard somewhere - Change is the only constant.

Long time back I did not understand the phrase and I also did not like change. But that is one thing I learnt in Maxus - Change is the only constant.

Be it my team, my boss, my client or their briefs - change was an inevitable part of my 2-year 8-month 15-day stay at Maxus. It was and I think will be the most dynamic work environment that I will work in.

Amidst all this, there were some things that were constant. I'd like to thank the ops team - Ilango, Sivadas, Praveen & Balaji - for having been here all through my stay and constantly helping me with plan implementations, makegoods (Sivadas you were the best!), sponsorships, material deadlines and all of it. My work would not have been half as easy without your help. Sanjay & Kini thanks for helping out with timely estimates and rushed MBA entries!

The team I worked for the longest with was the Britannia team. Asma I want to thank you for teaching me the ways and tricks of the trade. I will always stand by it that you were my teacher! Harpreet you were a super buyer. I know we fought...but you are the best I worked with. Parveen was like a breath of fresh air - so composed so solid. I truly admire that and someday I hope to be like that. But one thing you can learn is to chill out!! The funny guy in the group was definitely Shibu. I remember being apprehensive about you sitting in between HP and me...but well we managed to pull you into our chat sessions very quickly! Honestly Shibu did not resist!! Ranjani was the youngest in the team, eager to learn and sometimes eager to not work as well but a very very affectionate person. Ranj I will surely miss pulling your leg! Venky I think was the quietest member in this team. There is just one question Venky - how did you manage to send that TNS data so quickly?!? It is seriously still a mystery to me!

Naidu! I have told you this before but by being such a great boss you have not prepared any of us to work with normal bosses!! You just raised the bar so high! I truly enjoyed working with you and more so the few long talk sessions we had. Thanks for all the advice, guidance and helping out with work! It was superb working with you.

Two other very important people and fantastic sources of knowledge and entertainment were Praseed & Ratan. It was a thrill to work with them because they made learning fun! Praseed it was really sweet of you to check in on how I was doing. It really meant a lot to me. And Ratan you were the first person who sent me an appreciative mail for my work on Britannia Milk Bikis radio plan. Trust me, as a fresher it was BIG boost!

Vishy your one-liners and solutions to our silly problems always kept a smile on our faces. Some of them I will never forget! Thanks for that!

Post Britannia I moved to group 2.

Harish and Vimal helped me with the transition from presentations and briefs about the brands to anecdotes about the client! Initially I thought they were just being funny, but soon I realised that these were true stories! KK joined me in this adventure a few months late and I think he has got a good of hang of the clients after 25 meetings for Arrow's spring summer collection and Flying Machine's youth presentation! KK you have some refreshing ideas and I wish you success in implementing them! And yes if I open something up in Mysore I will contact you!!

Working with new buyers was fun. Victor I thank you for being patient and always smiling despite my ignorance in the print medium. You truly helped me with it! Ginka it was great to have Flying Machine on TV last year and also managing the Hum Honge Kamyaab video this year!! Good luck with Arrow on TV! Finally my oldest neighbour Kishan...I will never forget the time you cleaned up your desk...hahaha!! Maybe I can use the break to learn Malayalam from the book you gifted me.

Dina, Brad, Srikanth, Agniv and Anisha I admire the way you work. You have always had data and plans ready for me despite short notice. Thanks so much for that.

Post Britannia I was also a small part of the digital team.

My first interaction with Sai was during Mbrace where he was my team mentor. I remember us sleeping at 6 in the morning as we had sat up all night to make the ppt and Sai had been with us all through! His dedication actually scared me! I am glad I got a chance to work with you though it was brief. Sai thanks for taking time out to help me get around digital media. I will miss blogging with you. Chandrakant thanks for the session on Google search and Abhilash thanks for the forwards I used in the blog.

People who make administration work fun! Meena thanks for all the help regarding leave (especially during my wedding). I think I must have bothered you with things you were not even responsible for but you always helped! Suresh thanks for being the one-stop for dealing with all financial formalities. Murali I will truly miss coming down and chatting up with you either to collect my sodexo or other allowances. It was always a pleasure to meet you on Thursdays! Vijay & Vasant thanks for all the IT support which is so crucial in our work.

Titan team...you guys always made me jealous! You always had the 'award winning' ideas!! I remember how in Britannia we used to struggle to come up with entries and you guys just had so many!! I wish the spell continues and this year is an enriching award year for you guys!

Sanchi, we didn't really work much together. I will keep in mind your pointers and I wish you all the best in taking Maxus Bangalore higher!

Maxus has been a great halt. The biggest gift I got from Maxus are my friends - some are still with Maxus and some like Swati, Adi and Push are not. But these are relationships that I truly cherish.

Thank you one and all for being a part of such an important phase in my life.

And like I said - Change is the only constant - and it is time for me to make a change. Today is my last day in Maxus.

Cheers!

A Mother All Over Again

Ajji was a young mother at 19 - not considered young back then in the 50’s. Amma was her first born, premature and by most of the stories I have heard ugly. Ajji tells me that once a friend came to visit them, saw their baby and said, “You make such a handsome couple, and I expected your baby to be beautiful!” Ajji says that it did hurt, but well my baby was not good looking.

Things didn’t remain this way long. Amma grew up to be a beautiful girl and a centre of affection for many men. In 1975, amma fell in love and five years later my parents wed and moved to Muscat. Ajji had not expected the distance to be so far and I’ve heard stories of amma and ajji bawling their eyes out as amma left to being her journey as a married woman.

Amma was a mother at 23. Ajji was a grandmother at 42.

As a kid, I adored ajji – she was my most favorite person in the world. Leaving her in Mysore was the hardest thing at the end of every summer vacation. I guess that is why in the summer of 94 it was not a hard decision to make when I decided to stay on in Mysore and pursue my studies staying with ajji and thatha.

It was difficult not to be with appa, amma and Varsha. I mean I was only 12 years old. But the change was made easier as I was going to live with ajji and thatha.

I recall some of my friends saying how do you live with your grandparents? Are they cool to live with? And I always wondered how can you not live with them? Thatha is a Physics professor. He is a progressive thinker and not once did I feel a generation gap. Ajji is less educated, but I think this was not a handicap thanks to thatha.

Ajji was my mother through my most formative years – from 12 to 21. In no way am I disregarding thatha’s contribution in these years; he was my companion for classic English movies and the masala Hindi movies; he took me out to eat pizza – back then it was available in just one restaurant in Mysore; he guided me with my studies and discussed literature with me. He had a big hand in shaping a part of the woman I have grown up to be.

But, ajji became a mother all over again at 54.

She listened to my stories through school and then college. She relentlessly watched cookery shows on Udaya TV to make me something special – sometimes successful, sometimes not. She pampered me with gifts for festivals. She narrated stories of the Tamil movie she had watched on Sun TV. She guided me through my various ‘girl-issues’ during adolescence.

I remember this one time; she was on her way to her brother’s house. It was on my way to college. I offered to drop her, but ajji was conscious of her weight and refused. But I insisted anyways, “Ajji, I will take you safely don’t worry. You never sit with me on my Scooty.”

So she sat on my Scooty for the first time. I was extra careful. Balancing ajji was hard. But I managed. I managed most of the way, till someone from the cross road hit my bike and just like that ajji was off her seat. I remember rushing to her, seeing her holding her arm wincing in pain and then almost getting violent with the rash rider. But I did not. Ajji needed me. I rushed to the hospital. Her face cringed every time the auto went into a ditch and every time my heart ached.

After the X-rays and ECGs and some other tests, the doctors told us that her bones in her arm had broken and needed to be put in place through a surgery. I felt tremendous guilt for putting ajji through this. Post surgery, ajji could not lift weights, needed help to bathe, put on her clothes. It hurt me to see her in that situation. I blamed myself.

I don’t remember sitting down with ajji, saying how sorry I was, how guilty I felt. I could not express what I felt in words and ajji…I think she knew how I felt. Ajji recovered over 6 months. It took time. I remember amma coming down to help out.

I moved out of Mysore after college to work in Bangalore. Ajji would make it a point to call me on the land line at ten every night to ensure I was at home. This later changed to alternate days and slowly to once or twice a week.

It’s been 7 years since I moved out. But even today she is my help line when it comes to cooking, matters of the household and so many other things. I probably will never get a chance to say this to her, but I thank her for becoming a mother again, for guiding me, for hugging me when I missed my parents, for sitting up with me to watch TV serials (which we’d later discuss).

Ajji is still my most favorite person in the world.

Sense & Sensibilities

This blog I warn you has one intention - blowing steam.

Last month it was announced that the account I work for was calling for a Pitch (for the laymen - a Pitch is just a fancy word people from the advertising and creative fraternity like to use instead of a drab phrase like tender submission). This was unexpected for me...at my level...coz with the top management 'protecting' you; you hardly ever have the real picture.

I work on a big client (big = big monies & big as*****s). They want every paisa of theirs to be worth at least a few thousand rupees...I hope you get my drift. I've never quite been fond of my client...and don't really think that my affection for them is going to change as I have been feeling the same way for 21 months now. In fact I was also planning to do something different and not work for the biggies.

Anyways, the announcement of the Pitch just made me feel really angry with my client. Coz I had been putting in my best and I know for a fact that my counterparts were doing their best too. I had also heard that my rather anal client had appreciated our work...something I really didn't publicize as well my client is anal! So then where had we gone wrong? Why was all the work I had put in for the last 21 months being questioned? And why didn't I have a clue about the Pitch?

I didn't know the answers to these questions...and well my higher ups didn't really think it was high time to stop 'protecting' us and maybe for a change tell us the facts.

Going on, with a Pitch one always had the right to not Pitch. Considering our work was being questioned openly and obviously the client wanted better I didn't see the point of trying to win this business back. But at my level...my opinions really do not matter. So the decisions were made and we asked to jump on board to fight to keep the Biggies with us. We had a rather fake inspirational speech about having fire in our bellies and about handling our anal client actually being a prestige for all of us...a prestige worth sacrificing sleep, eating nutritious food, holidays, weekends...basically our lives for 20 whole days.

We were given the 'option' of opting out...but you know it was one of those options...where there actually is only one option!

So yes I kind of trudged along with the team...with no fire in my belly but a small spark under my ass (which with time would rage into a fire)...and went along and sacrificed my first family vacation with my folks after my wedding...a 5-day long weekend with my husband who was busy all of March...my first Vishu for which I had picked out my sari like a month back...and yes lots of couch time and love time with my husband.

We started work on 30-March and with every passing day the team working on the pitch grew from 6 to 8 to 13 to 15 to 18...and the hours we put in on an average was 12 hours...all through the week. We've been working 13 days now and somehow with just a day for the pre-read (tender) to be submitted we still seem to have a lot of work...that requires my counterparts and me to just hang around in office waiting upon the bosses to seek inspiration from our rather tired sleep deprived faces to find some more new work.

But slowly with each passing day I realised that this pitch was not the fault of my level...but the fault of the 'protectors'. Their biggest mess up is that they did not keep us informed of the situation. There was no warning, no preparation time...which I am sure they had plenty of. The last two months we were being continuously reminded by our 'protectors' to be proactive with information to the client. This according to be is probably the smallest issue our big client has with us.

There had to be bigger issues - the existence of which I am aware of but the details I am not. My intelligence tells me that my 'protectors' failed to address the bigger issues...trying to stress us out on the smaller ones...to manoeuvre the client into believing we were taking the efforts. But what I have come to understand is that they got caught with the micro and forgot about the macro. And courtesy them not doing their management properly our anal client just got more anal and called for the Pitch.

Now why for the fault of 'protectors' do I have to doubt my capabilities...be forced to think about having a job on hand...be sacrificing my life outside work trying to work hard and fight for something I don't care about? The answer is not money...coz honestly I don't get much of that.

I think the answer is the lack of sense and sensibilities.

The guys in charge mess up. Their biggest account calls for the pitch. Before a plan is put up or even communicated to the team...a bunch of other minds are brought down from the other offices to add fresh thinking...which translates into lots of ideas flying all over the place and no direction...which then percolates into a bunch of juniors running around like headless chickens trying to deliver work to their more than one bosses...lots of data...lots of excel...lots of work hours...lots of rework hours...lots of people slowly making their way out of work...lots of frustration...lots of chaos...and still directionless.

It is this crazy need to work unplanned long hours...and look enthusiastic about something your heart is not into...which makes me wonder why don't sensible people exist anymore?

We are in the business of Planning and Communication (I love this line) and yet we could use a lot of lessons on planning and communicating. Today is a Sunday, and I am at work...and yet I have time to blog...which means I don't work...and I am here just for the count...count of people who don't have their priorities right...count of inefficient people...count of more work hours going waste.

All this effort we are putting in today...had the 'protectors' been proactive with the client...got the bunch of other minds down from the other offices to add fresh thinking...used their senses to understand their environment and competition...been sensible in handling the woes of the big client...would I not have been at The Serai in Chikmagluru today?

Best Wife in a Supporting Role

It is the awards' season...so for the lack of creativity I am choosing to go with cliches for my title.

I am a Drama Queen. And I enjoy all the drama in my life...I create most of it and other times I encourage it. Life for me has truly been a stage...things that happen to me are acts of my life...my life being this huge play where I am the central character...the heroine. It is hilarious when I write it down in words like this...but though this may be a wee bit exaggerated...I do look at my life like this. An interesting story I will tell my kids and their kids.

Now marriage is a crucial turn in my 'play'...which I was sure would have many many 'acts' which would be difficult and testing. Honestly, when I took this decison I didn't know what I was completely getting into...I don't think anyone knows. It is something one can not contemplae, plan or predict. So if anyone says I know what I am getting to - it is a lie!

Marriage I have to come to see is constitution whose requirements are quite dynamic...ever changing always demanding. Now whatever I say, I am must confess will be biased. I am a wife and anything I feel or say is a wife's view.

Going on...as the days pass I have come to realise that this 'chapter' in my 'play' forces me to give up my favorite central charater and move quickly and quietly to the side. Quickly as this change is expected as soon as the chapter starts and quietly as no one really wants to hear you crib that you have lost the importance. You know so what if you are a playing a supporting role - you are important for the play and bring so much to it!

Having lived most of my life putting my interest before anyone elses and having parents who have always kept me happy, I must confess that after one ceremony to suddenly put everyone's happiness or requirements before yours and not minding if things happening are not making you happy does not come easily...definitely not for me.

Giving up the lead is probably going to be the hardest part of this chapter for me. And even harder will be doing it quietly...by handling the situation within myself.

I call ma and she says he is a yelle nimbekai understand...like I am a pro at this! My girlfriends say keep quiet now...talk to him later...he is the guy you are the girl...accept that. Men are always like this...don't let him know you are feeling hurt. Talk to him when you are calm. Ma says we have all been through it...men will always get nervous that marriage is changing them and they will try hard to prove it to everyone that it has not.

The general opinion is...yes Drama Queen you are dealing with a man with a very crazy work life...it is hard...and yes he is not giving you time...but you have to be supportive...explain what you are going through...but understand what he is going through.

In so many many words everyone is hinting that I should move to the back seat. Be the friend who can cheer him up when he is low (if he chooses to talk to you about it). Be the person who understands that despite marriage he needs space...you may have plans for 'us'...but accept it when he chooses to do something else. Be the calm wife if thanks to friends or family he chooses to ignore you the entire weekend...as it 'His' time. Be the adjusting and smiling daughter-in-law...even when your heart is heavy...

The past 4 weekends he has worked every weekend. I have run around town alone...to get away from the loneliness. This loneliness stings more as it comes after marriage a step you take for a lifetime of companionship. Today this is the biggest problem in my life...and the man who promised to take care of me on the 21st of December goes around turing his back on me...chatting late into the night with family but snoring away as soon as we get into our room...choosing not to talk about what I am going through as I have not bothered to understand and accept his work life...and he still expects me to be smiling and ever social in front of his family who is visiting us this weekend.

And as he doesn't feel this...I am going to say it myself. Despite this tough switch in roles that I am going through I am sure I have done full justice to my daughter-in-law duties.

I hope that someday soon he realises that we live together...avoiding conversations...ignoring issues...putting things off with a hug or a baby face will not get us anywhere better. Yes I am the woman...yes I have to be understanding...yes I have to be supportive. But he is the man...and he is responsible for me...he has to take care of my needs...and I hope he can understand that and support me.

The Fastest 25 Days Of My Life

I had heard from friends that you plan and plan for months and your wedding is over in a jiffy. Well, I wish I could say that is untrue...but as the title suggests December through January I went through the fastest 25 days of my life. Though the whole time was exciting, there are some memories that I will treasure and never forget.

• Ma and me running all over Ghandhibazar looking for matching petticoats for our saris and the next day Jayanagar 4th block looking for luggage for my wedding. I finally picked up 2 red Antler trolley bags.
• Me arriving 30 minutes late for my spa appointment at Angsana on their weekly half day. But as I was a bride they made an exception and I got to keep my appointment. The treatment you ask? Heavenly!!
• Varsha and me waiting for over 3 hours to get our blouses, which were quite messed up, from our fake designer's workshop. Yes you read it right! Me the super-duper planner actually believed this girl was a designer. Later I realized all the works she showed me were basically her own clothes which her tailor had worked on!!
• Dinner at HRC with appa, amma, Varsha and Sush - she landed early to help me handle my nerves. She is the bestest!!
• Sush and me running around Jayanagar 4th block this time looking for salwaars for the mehendi and then Taj. After roaming all morning, we finally found the prettiest thing at Fab India 5 minutes away from home!
• The bachelorette party!! Adi, Sush, Varsha and I having a gooood time...trying the corset in the ladies room and then thanks to Sush the crazy dance! Not revealing any more :-) The best part?!? We then went to meet Tarun's family at LoR...but we weren't very drunk...honest!
• The morning of the Naandi I realised that I take lots of time to get ready and that I needed help draping a Kanchivaram sari. In my hurry, I remember not wearing my contacts for the function. Luckily things were not too blurry.
• Despite my ongoing tiff with Tarun I was just sooo delighted to see him 18th morning.
• The four of us (appa, amma, Varsha and me) sitting together to perform the pooja was nice because I seriously have no memory of us ever performing a pooja for that long together. I did get a little teary when appa and amma went round the pyre.
• Sunanda aunty coming all the way from Mysore just for the Naandi. The sweetest gesture...
• Varsha, Sush and my pedicure treatment that afternoon at Bounce and then Tarun ending up at Bounce for his haircut. I was meeting just him I think after more than 15 days. So Sush and Varsha ran away to do some shopping...and Tarun and I spent sometime at Coffee Day on Lavelle...where we had earlier spent time during our internships...memories :-)
• Friday the 19th was a crazy day. Had Vidya the beautician come home...after I was done with that Kinja, Varsha, Sush and I hired a cab and went to Commercial Street to pick up ear rings, bangles for Sush and me. And then we had to rush back home for the mehendi session. Adi, Varsha, Sush and I ordered in pizza and Adi stayed over that night. The next morning I realised that my mehendi was the lightest!
• 20th was my first official day as a bride...with so many people at the lunch at Taj I was super nervous for the first and actually the last time. As Adi, Varsha, Sush and I walked into the lawn I will never forget how beautiful Taj looked. They had surpassed my expectations.
• That night my 2-hour nap with Misha scores high on the memory list.
• Sush and my last night up chatting :) Think we were up till a little after 1 a.m.
• On the whole 21st is a day I will never forget...but what I will treasure is the first time I saw Tarun...I was soooo happy...my eyes welled up...I was getting MARRIED to him!
• I also kept giggling for some reason. Was even asked to stop giggling and be a little more demure by an uncle...hahaha!
• Our room at Taj was just a dream.
• Tarun dancing away all night at our reception at the Manipal County. His best performance was for Jhumma Chumma...yeah he danced to that number.
• But ajji tata on the floor just beat everything else!
• Varsha's outburst...literally too...hehehe!
• Lunch in our room at Taj...and drinks at the Blue Bar with Varsha, Tushar, Sudhanva & Dinkar.
• Visit to the registration office on the 24th. For a minute there I thought appa was going to yell at the officer and we'd never get our marriage registered!
• The 1st family outing on the 25th - Ghajini and later the trip to mysore and the lunch at Metropole on the 26th. Jayashree aunty joined us too.
• Uncle getting emotional as he saw Tarun & me off to the airport to catch our flight to Bali. 
• My first trip outside India with Tarun started with coffee at Harrods.
• Our room at Kayumanis Ubud...was breath-taking...this made Taj look like whatever!
• Our picnic to the Buahan village where we sat in a gazebo overlooking a green valley and heavy showers...this was waaaay more romantic than my dreamy head had ever imagined!
• Dinner in the room on the 31st...I did end with an uneasy tummy that night...but it was probably the most beautiful, intimate and romantic new year's eve I will ever have and the best I had ever had after Tarun entered my life!
• Renting DVDs and watching movies curled up in bed in our room...that was just the best...not the movies...
• The whole day shopping at Kuta and then our visit to HRC. Tarun went insane clicking away on appa's olympus.
• The weekend in Jayanagar before appa left...I was sick but the Varsha, Sudhanva and Tarun worked on the wedding albums and it just looked gorgeous. And tata was over for the weekend so we got to share the Bali snaps with him.
• 6th was the day I will always count as the 1st day I spent with the Menon's. Uncle wasn't around, but aunty, Tarun and I went to place an order for our albums, had lunch at Hong Kong Hustle, went to the dry cleaners and then checked out furniture stores for a chest of drawer. Liked something at Fab India, so ordered that and Tarun and I picked up our first thing for home...a lamp for our room.

• The 1st official lunch at achchamma's on the 7th...I was all dressed in a salwaar with the thali. Oh! Tarun and I picked up a printer cum scanner...maybe this is our first buy as the lamp came by exchanging coupons.

• On the 9th Tarun and I took ma to the hospital as she had a catch in her back. We then collected the albums and were home in time for lunch with aunty before she left for Dubai. It is then that it hit me that I was going to be managing a home with Tarun...

The weeks after have had lots of things happening...and it is already over 2 months. Time flies...and I hope to capture as much as possible by writing about it...and now off to the kitchen I go...to make some puliyogre for dinner.